In ancient times, a person's name had significant meaning. In some parts of the world, or with some families, the same could be said today, but for the most part, names have lost their meaning in our society. Someone shared this observation with me the other day, and it made me reflect on the meaning of my own name. Does my name reflect who I am in every day life? In recent days, no. But do I wish to live up my name? Absolutely.
My first name has Latin roots and was a title used for aristocrats and nobility. My middle name has English roots and means bright light or torch. Put them together, and you've got a noble light, right? That's one way of looking at it anyway. :) When I think of nobility, my mind isn't automatically drawn to the idea of someone who is lord over others but rather a benevolent, intelligent and gracious person of honorable wisdom and character; someone who possesses a quiet spirit and a grateful heart.
And because my anxiety level has been at an all time high lately, it's hard to be anything like that picture of nobility...even though it's what God calls me to be not just because of my name but because I am His child. So how do I get from Point A to Point B? The only way I can is through prayer when I boldly ask God to bless my heart and mind in a way that synchronizes the meaning of my name with who I really am. I want the two to match, but God is the only one who can make that happen in my lifetime. When I try to improve myself in my own power, I fail miserably time after time. Oh, I might do really well for awhile. But then something happens, and I revert to my old ways. To expect another person to be able to perfect me is likewise as foolish; the change would be only temporary. When God enters into my heart and works in my spirit, the change is forever, and I never want to return to my old self. I'm writing this to say that I also have to be reminded that I do not have the power to change anyone else...including hubby. He does things differently than I do. He thinks differently than I do. He reasons differently than I do. He's different from me! And to expect him to be like me is ludicrous even though I find myself trying to do just that. Since I haven't exactly been the picture of perfection lately, why in the world would I want him to walk the same path?
So I'm learning to let him go. Does he need to make changes in himself? Oh most definitely! :) But I cannot make that change for him nor can I lead him down the path of change. Only God can do that. THANKFULLY I married a man who loves God and wants to please Him. Hubby doesn't always know how to do that in a practical sense, but he at least wants it. That's a huge hurdle to overcome in some marriages, and if you are married to someone of a different faith, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Hubby may not be perfect, but he is God's mess. And the more I repeat that to myself, the more likely I am to back off and let God do His job. I think the hardest thing for me to comprehend is when hubby chooses to ignore God's leading. I know God can do anything and everything, but He will not force Himself on our free will. And if hubby chooses to exercise that will against God, then he will have to face his own consequences. But what happens when those consequences affect more than just hubby? That's the hard part. I haven't been able to come up with an answer other than it's my job to simply lean on and trust in God to take care of me despite what someone else does or does not do. In other words, my lack of noble character lately cannot be excused because someone else has done something wrong. I'm still expected to live in a noble...or Godly...manner.
This line of thought has plagued me over the past few weeks, and I'm learning more and more as I open my life to God and invite Him to change me through this family crisis. And what I find is that certain themes repeat in even the smallest ways...as if God is saying to me, do you get it yet?? Can we move on now??
Here's an example. In my area, rain has been scarce lately. Yet in the backyard, my tomato plants are still growing and still producing. That makes me think of a cactus. How in the world does a cactus or similar desert plant thrive even though resources are minimal?? The roots of desert plants run deep; they do not rely on surface moisture to survive. And when water is supplied, the plant stores that water. In some cases, the plant's leaves are covered with hairlike fuzzy stuff that prevents moisture loss. In other words, a dessert plant makes the most of what it's given, it saves for the future and it finds a way to hang onto what it has. Such an amazing and simple example that can be applied to the way we conduct our financial affairs.
When certain themes repeat, it seems to literally come out of "nowhere"; it's not something I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of...searching for parallels to my life. The really cool part is that, as a Christian, I know these thoughts don't really come out of nowhere. It comes to me from God himself. He is showing me His heart and the way that I should live (even through the example of a plant) if I want to live up to the meaning of my name...and eventually be a "bright light" to others and pass along the peace and knowledge that comes only from the Father Himself. Actions speak much louder than words, folks.
Question: What do your actions say about you? Not your words, not your thoughts, not your hopes & desires, but your actions?
Monday, September 21, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
The "B" word
PB&J...ain't nothing like it for a late night snack! It's a good thing the girls like to eat it too; we can't exactly afford pricey steaks or eating out. But no one in this house is starving. That's for sure!
We are supposed to master our money; money isn't supposed to master us. Hubby & I understand and agree with that statement, but our monthly budget has always been a thorn. The budget usually ends up being just a report of the past month's activities when it should be acting as our boss...as in, we've spent our limit on ____, so no more money goes to ____ unless it comes from somewhere else. We haven't mastered that concept yet.
The fact that we have a budget and refer to it frequently probably puts us ahead of the game. We always make sure that the checkbook register is up-to-date, so that we don't bounce checks, and every Monday, I enter the previous week's transactions into Quicken, which allows me to track where the money goes. Hang on to your hats 'cuz I'm super anal when it comes to tracking our spending. When we first started this process, I had the basic categories in my budget...housing, groceries, utilities, etc. But I quickly tired of looking at the Groceries total and wondering, "How in the world did we spend that much on food?!" So I took it a step further.
The nice thing about Quicken is that you can add sub-categories to each main category, so under Groceries, I've created divisions for each major type of food item...breads, produce, meat, beverages (we drink a lot of coffee, juice & soda), dairy, junk food and miscellaneous grocery items. Using the numbers from the store receipt, I split the grocery bill in Quicken to see whether we're overspending on junk food or other nonsense items. It can be a little time consuming, but it's worth it. When I first started doing this, I was amazed that we weren't overspending on junk or nonsense; our problem area was dairy! Granted our girls are young and require a lot of milk, but we're also huge consumers of cheese...all kinds. In case you haven't noticed, cheese products haven't been cheap lately!
I repeat the categorization process with personal care and household items as well, so that I can see how much we're spending (or rather overspending) on cleaners, batteries, paper towels and the like. Categorizing to this level also helps me determine whether it's better the purchase the industrial-size dishwasher soap or the tiny little package.
After all the categorizing in Quicken, I run a report and use transfer those totals to a custom Excel budget worksheet. Not only do I track the totals, but I also have columns for averages...average year to date and the current month average. As I enter the numbers each week, I can determine, at a glance, whether our spending habits in one area or another are improving or worsening. Even though this weekly financial exercise is time intensive, the payoff is enormous!! Not only can I quickly find out where we sit, but so can hubby.
When I was in college, I was told that the higher the executive the less detail he/she cares about; they want the bottom line. I am the CFO (chief financial officer) of our family; hubby is the CEO. Working on finances is not his forte; I'm a nerd. But I also want him involved. He needs to know exactly where we stand, so that he can keep his own spending in line. Every week, he & I look at my custom Excel worksheet, and within minutes, he's able to tell that we're either on or off track for the month. We do not argue. We do not have long discussions that begin with, "Why did we spend so much on ____?" As I work on my worksheet, if I think there may be a question later on, I'll make a note to explain why spending in a certain area was higher than normal.
You may read this and think "UGH! No way! That's not for me!"
And you may be right. As I admitted earlier, I am super anal about tracking our spending. And in our current situation, I think that anal retentive nature has been a blessing. The budget keeps us accountable. It helps us improve in areas that need improvement; it gives us encouragement when we need to lighten up on ourselves. And most importantly, it answers the question...where did all our money go?!
This month, we started a new budget, and we're doing okay! I've been able to make some smaller changes in my shopping habits that have resulted in savings and resulted in better planning. One thing that's always been problematic for us is frequent trips to the store because I forgot to purchase something. Most of the time, you go into the store for one thing and come out with ten, right? With the new budget, we aren't making those frequent stops at the store. Unless we absolutely have to have something before the next shopping trip, we do without.
Tonight, I'm faced with that reality. All day today, I've been realizing that we're out of this, out of that, out of the other. Geesh! I was tired tonight and didn't feel like making a big dinner, so tonight was breakfast night! I started cooking the bacon when I realized we had only three eggs left. Grrrrr. But we got creative and ended up eating some of the leftovers that needed to be eaten. It may not have been the most coordinated meal known to man, but everyone left the dinner table with a full tummy. That's what is important, right? :)
So between the little changes in shopping habits and intense tracking of those shopping trips, our limited dollars will be stretched as far as they can go. And they've gone quite far! As I prayed for, God has blessed us beyond what we anticipated. Hubby gets his unemployment every Friday, and every week (so far) we still had money in our account by the time the next check was deposited. I have no doubt that we'd be in trouble if we didn't examine our spending with a magnifying glass every week.
To think...when I first brought up the idea of a budget with hubby, he cringed. Now he wants to know if we're maintaining or improving. Some months are worse than others, but we are definitely making some improvement. Over the last few weeks, I've had one thought over and over. If he & I are able to live on our current income (roughly half what it once was), then when he does find a new job we should be able to start saving way more than we ever did before....all because of some minor changes and a little extra time.
I don't care what you think of the "b" word. For us, it works like a charm, and it makes us masters of our money. In a time of crisis, you can't beat that!!
Question: Do you know where your money goes every month?
We are supposed to master our money; money isn't supposed to master us. Hubby & I understand and agree with that statement, but our monthly budget has always been a thorn. The budget usually ends up being just a report of the past month's activities when it should be acting as our boss...as in, we've spent our limit on ____, so no more money goes to ____ unless it comes from somewhere else. We haven't mastered that concept yet.
The fact that we have a budget and refer to it frequently probably puts us ahead of the game. We always make sure that the checkbook register is up-to-date, so that we don't bounce checks, and every Monday, I enter the previous week's transactions into Quicken, which allows me to track where the money goes. Hang on to your hats 'cuz I'm super anal when it comes to tracking our spending. When we first started this process, I had the basic categories in my budget...housing, groceries, utilities, etc. But I quickly tired of looking at the Groceries total and wondering, "How in the world did we spend that much on food?!" So I took it a step further.
The nice thing about Quicken is that you can add sub-categories to each main category, so under Groceries, I've created divisions for each major type of food item...breads, produce, meat, beverages (we drink a lot of coffee, juice & soda), dairy, junk food and miscellaneous grocery items. Using the numbers from the store receipt, I split the grocery bill in Quicken to see whether we're overspending on junk food or other nonsense items. It can be a little time consuming, but it's worth it. When I first started doing this, I was amazed that we weren't overspending on junk or nonsense; our problem area was dairy! Granted our girls are young and require a lot of milk, but we're also huge consumers of cheese...all kinds. In case you haven't noticed, cheese products haven't been cheap lately!
I repeat the categorization process with personal care and household items as well, so that I can see how much we're spending (or rather overspending) on cleaners, batteries, paper towels and the like. Categorizing to this level also helps me determine whether it's better the purchase the industrial-size dishwasher soap or the tiny little package.
After all the categorizing in Quicken, I run a report and use transfer those totals to a custom Excel budget worksheet. Not only do I track the totals, but I also have columns for averages...average year to date and the current month average. As I enter the numbers each week, I can determine, at a glance, whether our spending habits in one area or another are improving or worsening. Even though this weekly financial exercise is time intensive, the payoff is enormous!! Not only can I quickly find out where we sit, but so can hubby.
When I was in college, I was told that the higher the executive the less detail he/she cares about; they want the bottom line. I am the CFO (chief financial officer) of our family; hubby is the CEO. Working on finances is not his forte; I'm a nerd. But I also want him involved. He needs to know exactly where we stand, so that he can keep his own spending in line. Every week, he & I look at my custom Excel worksheet, and within minutes, he's able to tell that we're either on or off track for the month. We do not argue. We do not have long discussions that begin with, "Why did we spend so much on ____?" As I work on my worksheet, if I think there may be a question later on, I'll make a note to explain why spending in a certain area was higher than normal.
You may read this and think "UGH! No way! That's not for me!"
And you may be right. As I admitted earlier, I am super anal about tracking our spending. And in our current situation, I think that anal retentive nature has been a blessing. The budget keeps us accountable. It helps us improve in areas that need improvement; it gives us encouragement when we need to lighten up on ourselves. And most importantly, it answers the question...where did all our money go?!
This month, we started a new budget, and we're doing okay! I've been able to make some smaller changes in my shopping habits that have resulted in savings and resulted in better planning. One thing that's always been problematic for us is frequent trips to the store because I forgot to purchase something. Most of the time, you go into the store for one thing and come out with ten, right? With the new budget, we aren't making those frequent stops at the store. Unless we absolutely have to have something before the next shopping trip, we do without.
Tonight, I'm faced with that reality. All day today, I've been realizing that we're out of this, out of that, out of the other. Geesh! I was tired tonight and didn't feel like making a big dinner, so tonight was breakfast night! I started cooking the bacon when I realized we had only three eggs left. Grrrrr. But we got creative and ended up eating some of the leftovers that needed to be eaten. It may not have been the most coordinated meal known to man, but everyone left the dinner table with a full tummy. That's what is important, right? :)
So between the little changes in shopping habits and intense tracking of those shopping trips, our limited dollars will be stretched as far as they can go. And they've gone quite far! As I prayed for, God has blessed us beyond what we anticipated. Hubby gets his unemployment every Friday, and every week (so far) we still had money in our account by the time the next check was deposited. I have no doubt that we'd be in trouble if we didn't examine our spending with a magnifying glass every week.
To think...when I first brought up the idea of a budget with hubby, he cringed. Now he wants to know if we're maintaining or improving. Some months are worse than others, but we are definitely making some improvement. Over the last few weeks, I've had one thought over and over. If he & I are able to live on our current income (roughly half what it once was), then when he does find a new job we should be able to start saving way more than we ever did before....all because of some minor changes and a little extra time.
I don't care what you think of the "b" word. For us, it works like a charm, and it makes us masters of our money. In a time of crisis, you can't beat that!!
Question: Do you know where your money goes every month?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Finding me in the gunk
Being a stay-at-home mom of two (under 4) plus working part-time, I don't always have a lot of time for housework. Okay, okay. So I usually have more than I think, but I hate cleaning with a passion. I do it, but I hate it. What I don't usually have time for is deep cleaning, and lately this house needs a lot of deep cleaning, purging and re-organizing. Every day, I'm taunted by the "to do" list. It can be overwhelming.
Accomplishing anything on my "to do" list is nothing short of a miracle. There are no lack of distractions and interruptions in this house, which makes finishing a chore very difficult for me. I don't wish to be the kind of mom who puts off her children to have a spotless house. I think that only sends the message that the stuff is more important than them. Also turning my attention away from the girls and toward cleaning means that they usually end up watching too much T.V., which is not good. At the same time, I don't want to live in a pig sty either; I want a home that is sanitary and comfortable. I want a home that I'm not embarrassed of.
All that said, I'm proud of my single accomplishment today. (Read: I've started many things but finished only one thing...so far!) For too long, I've dreaded using the microwave. It was been neglected, to say the least. Every time I opened the door, my spirit was crushed just a little because of the ICK. I kept telling myself, "I really need to get this cleaned." But I never made the time to clean it. As a result, it taunts me.
I'm so proud to say that, as of today, the microwave is SPOTLESS!!!!! I took one look at it this morning and said, "Screw it. I'm cleaning this stupid thing right now!!" And so I did. Was it easy? No. Was it quick? No. Did I have fun? No. Did I get interrupted? Yes. Did it make me smile? No. Well when I was done, I smiled...big!
I started cleaning the surface ick that was easy to remove; already it looked a little better. Then I used my no-fail microwave cleaning solution (several times) to remove the first layer. Next, I used my muscles and a scrub sponge to remove the stains. Wow, this thing is white?! And believe it or not, I got out a few toothpicks and a bristled brush to remove gunk hiding in the corners & crevices. Then I turned my attention to the outside. Our microwave is right above the stove, so the exterior had a lot of really sticky grease gunk on it; bring on the muscle and scrub sponge! Rinse, rinse, rinse; dry, dry, dry. DONE!
I've walked past and used it several times since I cleaned it, and every time I smile. I felt encouraged. That one little task gave me a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment and energy to tackle other tasks. Every other day, I kept telling myself that when I have the time, I will deep clean the kitchen. Except that I never had the time. I kept telling myself, "Wow, I'd feel better if this thing was clean." But I put it off and waited. For what? Nothing in my schedule today was different than any other day. What's so different today? I made a commitment to get it done no matter how long it took. I made a commitment to get it done today and take one step toward a cleaner, healthier home. I didn't wait for anything to change...to magically find more time, as it were...I just got it done. Now, hang in with me while I change tracks a little.
Bible reading, prayer & quiet time with God is important to me, but I've discovered over the years that if God wants to teach me something, He will find me in every day moments. Yes, even when I'm cleaning the microwave of all things. And there He found me today.
So what was today's lesson? Why am I waiting for my circumstances to change (e.g. the right time) before I make life changes that need to be made? Hubby & I have often said that his job loss may be an answer to prayer and/or it may be God's way of spurring us to change things that need to be changed. We don't know for sure, and we may never. Nevertheless, if God wants to change me then I need to pay attention and just get it done!
So where do I start? I'm far from the person God wants me to be; so many changes, so little time. God points me to my microwave for the answer. I didn't get it clean in two minutes. Cleaning it involved a lot of hard work, getting back on track when interrupted, committing to get it done and taking that first step of cleaning the surface gunk. Remember how I said the microwave looked better after just that first part? Same thing could be said about taking small steps toward the person God wants me to be. That first step will be blessed by Him and will create something in me that is just a little bit better.
Nobody ever gets from Point A to Point Z in a flash; it takes time and small steps...especially when you feel overwhelmed. The first step toward Godly change that I need to make is to sweep away the surface gunk that's attached itself to my attitude....worry, sadness, fear, etc. Experiencing those emotions is normal, but nurturing them and dwelling on them is not what God wants for me. He knows that negative emotions take the focus off Him, put it on myself and deflate my spirit with every passing moment. What's my first step? Prayer, but I think I could also benefit from journaling...not long drawn out pity sessions on paper but rather just a list of my worries. Writing helps me get it out, think it through, change my thoughts and feel encouraged and at peace.
One lesson I think I learned from the microwave is that I cannot wait anymore for the "right time". If God wants to change me through this situation, then it is illogical of me to think that I'll change when the crisis goes away. Perhaps the change in me that He wants will happen only when my life is not perfect. Admit it. When things are going good, not all of us (including me) have God at the forefront of our minds. But when our lives turn ugly, He's there all the time, and we usually end up begging Him a lot to take the problem away. Think about it. Even Jesus did that!!
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42
My pastor told me once that Jesus knows exactly what I'm going through because he went through it all too! We've prayed a prayer similar to Jesus's many times since hubby lost his job. "Lord, please take this away from us!" I'll admit that praying the second part "your will be done" is much, much harder to do because it takes the control out of my hands and put it in His. Truth is; I only fool myself into believing that I have control over anything outside my own mind & body. God is in control of it all. He blesses and takes away...not just for my benefit but also to glorify Him because that's why we were all made in the first place.
Personally, I think God is using this crisis as an exercise in reliance upon Him...to trust that He alone will supply our needs. And who knows? Maybe He wants that one thing done and out of the way this time because it is absolutely essential for me to survive the next crisis? So I try to identify the small things and move in the direction of obedience...knowing that God will bless every single step I take.
And did you notice something? I'm doing the job before hubby finds a new job...before the crisis passes. I'm not waiting for "the right time". I'm not fooling myself into believing that I will be happier or will change once my life is a little more comfortable. What do I think God wants me to ultimately change about my attitude? The ability to be happy and full of joy despite my circumstances. That isn't true happiness; it's only the illusion of happiness. If I am happy and joyful only when things are going my way, that implies I'll be thrown into depression when another crisis hits. The roots of my faith must not be very deep if one crisis has the power over me to dictate my thoughts, my attitude and my behavior. That's something I have a desire to change, and I know God wants me to change it as well. He's never promised any of us a rose garden. Heck, He never promised that to his own Son!
Yup, no doubt about it. God wants me to git 'er done...despite what's going on around me. Is that a tall order? More than I could express with words. Will it be easy? Nope. Will it be fun? Maybe. Will it make me smile? Absolutely. What an inspired and encouraging train of thought, and all while I was cleaning gunk off the microwave. Go figure.
Question: Does your level of happiness depend upon the circumstances in your life? Are you happy only when things are going your way or are you able to still maintain that happiness when things aren't so rosy?
Accomplishing anything on my "to do" list is nothing short of a miracle. There are no lack of distractions and interruptions in this house, which makes finishing a chore very difficult for me. I don't wish to be the kind of mom who puts off her children to have a spotless house. I think that only sends the message that the stuff is more important than them. Also turning my attention away from the girls and toward cleaning means that they usually end up watching too much T.V., which is not good. At the same time, I don't want to live in a pig sty either; I want a home that is sanitary and comfortable. I want a home that I'm not embarrassed of.
All that said, I'm proud of my single accomplishment today. (Read: I've started many things but finished only one thing...so far!) For too long, I've dreaded using the microwave. It was been neglected, to say the least. Every time I opened the door, my spirit was crushed just a little because of the ICK. I kept telling myself, "I really need to get this cleaned." But I never made the time to clean it. As a result, it taunts me.
I'm so proud to say that, as of today, the microwave is SPOTLESS!!!!! I took one look at it this morning and said, "Screw it. I'm cleaning this stupid thing right now!!" And so I did. Was it easy? No. Was it quick? No. Did I have fun? No. Did I get interrupted? Yes. Did it make me smile? No. Well when I was done, I smiled...big!
I started cleaning the surface ick that was easy to remove; already it looked a little better. Then I used my no-fail microwave cleaning solution (several times) to remove the first layer. Next, I used my muscles and a scrub sponge to remove the stains. Wow, this thing is white?! And believe it or not, I got out a few toothpicks and a bristled brush to remove gunk hiding in the corners & crevices. Then I turned my attention to the outside. Our microwave is right above the stove, so the exterior had a lot of really sticky grease gunk on it; bring on the muscle and scrub sponge! Rinse, rinse, rinse; dry, dry, dry. DONE!
I've walked past and used it several times since I cleaned it, and every time I smile. I felt encouraged. That one little task gave me a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment and energy to tackle other tasks. Every other day, I kept telling myself that when I have the time, I will deep clean the kitchen. Except that I never had the time. I kept telling myself, "Wow, I'd feel better if this thing was clean." But I put it off and waited. For what? Nothing in my schedule today was different than any other day. What's so different today? I made a commitment to get it done no matter how long it took. I made a commitment to get it done today and take one step toward a cleaner, healthier home. I didn't wait for anything to change...to magically find more time, as it were...I just got it done. Now, hang in with me while I change tracks a little.
Bible reading, prayer & quiet time with God is important to me, but I've discovered over the years that if God wants to teach me something, He will find me in every day moments. Yes, even when I'm cleaning the microwave of all things. And there He found me today.
So what was today's lesson? Why am I waiting for my circumstances to change (e.g. the right time) before I make life changes that need to be made? Hubby & I have often said that his job loss may be an answer to prayer and/or it may be God's way of spurring us to change things that need to be changed. We don't know for sure, and we may never. Nevertheless, if God wants to change me then I need to pay attention and just get it done!
So where do I start? I'm far from the person God wants me to be; so many changes, so little time. God points me to my microwave for the answer. I didn't get it clean in two minutes. Cleaning it involved a lot of hard work, getting back on track when interrupted, committing to get it done and taking that first step of cleaning the surface gunk. Remember how I said the microwave looked better after just that first part? Same thing could be said about taking small steps toward the person God wants me to be. That first step will be blessed by Him and will create something in me that is just a little bit better.
Nobody ever gets from Point A to Point Z in a flash; it takes time and small steps...especially when you feel overwhelmed. The first step toward Godly change that I need to make is to sweep away the surface gunk that's attached itself to my attitude....worry, sadness, fear, etc. Experiencing those emotions is normal, but nurturing them and dwelling on them is not what God wants for me. He knows that negative emotions take the focus off Him, put it on myself and deflate my spirit with every passing moment. What's my first step? Prayer, but I think I could also benefit from journaling...not long drawn out pity sessions on paper but rather just a list of my worries. Writing helps me get it out, think it through, change my thoughts and feel encouraged and at peace.
One lesson I think I learned from the microwave is that I cannot wait anymore for the "right time". If God wants to change me through this situation, then it is illogical of me to think that I'll change when the crisis goes away. Perhaps the change in me that He wants will happen only when my life is not perfect. Admit it. When things are going good, not all of us (including me) have God at the forefront of our minds. But when our lives turn ugly, He's there all the time, and we usually end up begging Him a lot to take the problem away. Think about it. Even Jesus did that!!
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42
My pastor told me once that Jesus knows exactly what I'm going through because he went through it all too! We've prayed a prayer similar to Jesus's many times since hubby lost his job. "Lord, please take this away from us!" I'll admit that praying the second part "your will be done" is much, much harder to do because it takes the control out of my hands and put it in His. Truth is; I only fool myself into believing that I have control over anything outside my own mind & body. God is in control of it all. He blesses and takes away...not just for my benefit but also to glorify Him because that's why we were all made in the first place.
Personally, I think God is using this crisis as an exercise in reliance upon Him...to trust that He alone will supply our needs. And who knows? Maybe He wants that one thing done and out of the way this time because it is absolutely essential for me to survive the next crisis? So I try to identify the small things and move in the direction of obedience...knowing that God will bless every single step I take.
And did you notice something? I'm doing the job before hubby finds a new job...before the crisis passes. I'm not waiting for "the right time". I'm not fooling myself into believing that I will be happier or will change once my life is a little more comfortable. What do I think God wants me to ultimately change about my attitude? The ability to be happy and full of joy despite my circumstances. That isn't true happiness; it's only the illusion of happiness. If I am happy and joyful only when things are going my way, that implies I'll be thrown into depression when another crisis hits. The roots of my faith must not be very deep if one crisis has the power over me to dictate my thoughts, my attitude and my behavior. That's something I have a desire to change, and I know God wants me to change it as well. He's never promised any of us a rose garden. Heck, He never promised that to his own Son!
Yup, no doubt about it. God wants me to git 'er done...despite what's going on around me. Is that a tall order? More than I could express with words. Will it be easy? Nope. Will it be fun? Maybe. Will it make me smile? Absolutely. What an inspired and encouraging train of thought, and all while I was cleaning gunk off the microwave. Go figure.
Question: Does your level of happiness depend upon the circumstances in your life? Are you happy only when things are going your way or are you able to still maintain that happiness when things aren't so rosy?
Monday, September 7, 2009
Thank Heaven for little girls
Through everything, I can't help but thank God every day for the blessings of my daughters. Even though I am concerned about what the future holds for them, I am still glad that I get to snuggle with them every day. They are both still very young but also growing up very fast. My littlest one will be 20 months old this week; only four short months away from turning 2. Life hasn't been easy since she joined our family, but I also can't imagine our family without her. Her personality has really blossomed in the last six months, and she makes me smile all the time. She is a little fussier than the oldest daughter, so we have challenging times with her. But she's my little "dolly", which is the nickname I use with her.
My oldest daughter is 3 1/2, and this time next year, we are planning send her to preschool. She is a smart little bugger and is as beautiful as she is smart. We're having some challenging times with her lately, but she still makes me laugh (hard) every day. Some of the things that come out of her mouth just amaze me. She has a wonderful imagination, and I always enjoy her creations and stories.
The thing that makes me sad is realizing that this will be the last year she & I get to spend together...all day long, in no rush, just enjoying each other. Granted preschool is only a few hours a day, but I will miss her immensely...especially because all day kindergarten follows after that. Then she will be in the care of someone else (during waking hours) longer than she is with me. That's going to be really hard for me - not because I think I'm the only one capable of caring for her, but because I will miss her a lot.
The only thing that makes me sadder is the thought that I may miss out on this last year before her schooling begins. I would miss it only because hubby cannot find a suitable job, which means I would have to return to work. That hurts my heart more than I can possibly describe..and for many different reasons.
But tonight I am not allowing myself to dwell on that sadness because if I do, I will just fall back into old patterns tomorrow...not changing anything that needs to be changed because I'm paralyzed by regret and frustration. I've allowed myself to dwell on negative emotions far too long, and I will be relying this week on God's strength and peace to free myself from the prison I am creating for myself. Lord only knows how much longer I will be able to stay at home with my girls, so why waste that time dwelling on the negative and wasting time.
Thank Heaven for these little girls! Because of them, I have sufficient motivation to better myself...and in the end better them. Our kids need to realize that life isn't always sunshine and roses, and they will learn how to handle hard times by watching their parents. So far, I haven't been the picture of perfection as far as reflecting the peace & comfort that God gives to me on a daily basis. Tonight, I'm praying with all my heart & soul that through this situation I can change that. I want my girls to be strong inside & out, but that starts with my example.
Question: When you encounter tough times, do you ever wonder how your children will be affected? Do you want to be a source of strength & comfort to ease their worries? Do you also want to teach them how to be a source of strength & comfort to their future children? Do you believe that actions are stronger than words?
My oldest daughter is 3 1/2, and this time next year, we are planning send her to preschool. She is a smart little bugger and is as beautiful as she is smart. We're having some challenging times with her lately, but she still makes me laugh (hard) every day. Some of the things that come out of her mouth just amaze me. She has a wonderful imagination, and I always enjoy her creations and stories.
The thing that makes me sad is realizing that this will be the last year she & I get to spend together...all day long, in no rush, just enjoying each other. Granted preschool is only a few hours a day, but I will miss her immensely...especially because all day kindergarten follows after that. Then she will be in the care of someone else (during waking hours) longer than she is with me. That's going to be really hard for me - not because I think I'm the only one capable of caring for her, but because I will miss her a lot.
The only thing that makes me sadder is the thought that I may miss out on this last year before her schooling begins. I would miss it only because hubby cannot find a suitable job, which means I would have to return to work. That hurts my heart more than I can possibly describe..and for many different reasons.
But tonight I am not allowing myself to dwell on that sadness because if I do, I will just fall back into old patterns tomorrow...not changing anything that needs to be changed because I'm paralyzed by regret and frustration. I've allowed myself to dwell on negative emotions far too long, and I will be relying this week on God's strength and peace to free myself from the prison I am creating for myself. Lord only knows how much longer I will be able to stay at home with my girls, so why waste that time dwelling on the negative and wasting time.
Thank Heaven for these little girls! Because of them, I have sufficient motivation to better myself...and in the end better them. Our kids need to realize that life isn't always sunshine and roses, and they will learn how to handle hard times by watching their parents. So far, I haven't been the picture of perfection as far as reflecting the peace & comfort that God gives to me on a daily basis. Tonight, I'm praying with all my heart & soul that through this situation I can change that. I want my girls to be strong inside & out, but that starts with my example.
Question: When you encounter tough times, do you ever wonder how your children will be affected? Do you want to be a source of strength & comfort to ease their worries? Do you also want to teach them how to be a source of strength & comfort to their future children? Do you believe that actions are stronger than words?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
The wrestling match
How fast could life have you pinned to the mat unable to move? What would cause you to accept defeat, and what would cause you to struggle and fight your way out of the hold no matter how impossible a win might seem?
My spirit and my mind have been wrestling with each other since hubby's unemployment started. My spirit has always said (and still does), "God will provide. We'll be okay." My mind, however has always said (and still does), "We're going to lose everything. Life will not be the same for us this time next year." Which one is right? Depends on which side you ask and on which day! :)
This week hasn't been good for me. The job search isn't going well. Our new budget is very restrictive, and we have to watch every penny...even more so than before, which means more time, effort and frustration. I'm doing my best to stay upbeat and positive, but with each passing day, it's a little harder. The fact that I have a really hard time even talking about the situation should be an indication that I'm not as strong as I may seem on the outside. So if you encounter me on a bad day, I apologize. This situation is best described as hard for me to accept. I still struggle with the sadness, worry and anger. I'm still asking "Why?" and still seeking answers.
And to complicate matters, because I am a Christian, I don't think that I should still be struggling with negative emotions. The problem is that even as strong as I am in my faith, I'm still human...in constant search of God's wisdom and understanding...but human just the same.
My spirit says, "God will provide." My mind says, "What if this goes on much longer than we think it will?" My spirit says, "It's in God's hands." My mind says, "What if he ends up in some dead-end low-paying job that he despises?" My spirit says, "Trust God." My mind says, "What if we both end up working in dead-end low-paying jobs?" My spirit says, "God is in control." My mind says, "What if the girls end up in daycare?" My spirit says, "Lean on God." My mind says, "Stop whining. You're better off than a lot of other people." My spirit says, "God is with you through it all." My mind says, "What did we do wrong to deserve this?" My spirit says, "God loves you unconditionally and through it all. Maybe He wants you to succeed through this, so you can develop a more compassionate heart and help those others who are worse off than you."
I think the real problem is that for all the Truth my spirit speaks (and sometimes yells), it still is not able to give me an end-date. I'm all about dates and hitting targets. Then again, my mind doesn't exactly give me that end-date either with all the partying it does...pity partying, that is. So it's back and forth I go. I am usually encouraged and at peace when surrounded by spiritual Christians who genuinely care about what we're going through. And I'm usually sad & worried when I'm by myself.
What does that say about the depth of my faith? How strong is it really if, at the sight of one crisis, I am toppled over and pinned to the mat so easily? What can I do differently to make this stop??
I could do lots of things. I will try to do lots of things. I don't wish for this time to extend much longer, but what I don't want even more is to continue marinating in the negative self-talk that constantly plagues my mind. And then my spirit yells, "PRAY! NOW!"
Prayer is a means of communicating with my Heavenly Father, and it's not a one-way street. He shares with me what He wants me to dwell on. He shares with me what He wants me to pray about. He shares with me the changes that He wants me to make. Prayer is a very powerful means of working through my problems and negative self-talk. When life knocks me down, prayer is what gives me the strength, energy and focus I need to struggle and fight my way up and out of a heart-breaking, life-altering pin that would otherwise keep me down on the mat.
I would love for God to share with me the date when hubby will be offered another job. Alas, it doesn't work that way. If it did, I might miss out on even greater blessings...the ability to finally stop relying on my own strength and to once-and-for-all rely on His. Through the uncertainty, I might finally be able to let go of the control I value so much. Through the uncertainty, I might finally stop battling with myself and celebrate victories that happen on a daily basis...for example, getting one (or both) of my girls to eat the supper I work hard to prepare, having a productive day despite wanting so badly to be lazy, giggling with hubby over something goofy even though 15 minutes earlier I wanted to strangle him because of a misunderstanding.
God has blessed us several times over throughout the last month, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Do my actions speak louder than my words though? I say that I'm grateful, and I mean it. But have my actions said that I'm grateful? This last week, I'd say that both my actions and my words have been equally lousy. This coming week, my prayer focus and attention will be on improving both...not to the point of being fake, but to the point of reflecting my new motto. I may be sad. I may be angry. I may be worried. I may be stressed, but I am most definitely blessed! With God as my coach & trainer, the wrestling match is already over, and my spirit has already won. My mind just hasn't gotten the final score yet. Hopefully it will get the message this week!
Question: When encountered with life's problems, what or who do you rely on to strengthen your resolve? Is it yourself? What if you get a second time or a third? Are you still able to maintain strength, energy and focus? How do you recharge your batteries, so to speak, to keep fighting? Or do you remain pinned until the problem passes?
My spirit and my mind have been wrestling with each other since hubby's unemployment started. My spirit has always said (and still does), "God will provide. We'll be okay." My mind, however has always said (and still does), "We're going to lose everything. Life will not be the same for us this time next year." Which one is right? Depends on which side you ask and on which day! :)
This week hasn't been good for me. The job search isn't going well. Our new budget is very restrictive, and we have to watch every penny...even more so than before, which means more time, effort and frustration. I'm doing my best to stay upbeat and positive, but with each passing day, it's a little harder. The fact that I have a really hard time even talking about the situation should be an indication that I'm not as strong as I may seem on the outside. So if you encounter me on a bad day, I apologize. This situation is best described as hard for me to accept. I still struggle with the sadness, worry and anger. I'm still asking "Why?" and still seeking answers.
And to complicate matters, because I am a Christian, I don't think that I should still be struggling with negative emotions. The problem is that even as strong as I am in my faith, I'm still human...in constant search of God's wisdom and understanding...but human just the same.
My spirit says, "God will provide." My mind says, "What if this goes on much longer than we think it will?" My spirit says, "It's in God's hands." My mind says, "What if he ends up in some dead-end low-paying job that he despises?" My spirit says, "Trust God." My mind says, "What if we both end up working in dead-end low-paying jobs?" My spirit says, "God is in control." My mind says, "What if the girls end up in daycare?" My spirit says, "Lean on God." My mind says, "Stop whining. You're better off than a lot of other people." My spirit says, "God is with you through it all." My mind says, "What did we do wrong to deserve this?" My spirit says, "God loves you unconditionally and through it all. Maybe He wants you to succeed through this, so you can develop a more compassionate heart and help those others who are worse off than you."
I think the real problem is that for all the Truth my spirit speaks (and sometimes yells), it still is not able to give me an end-date. I'm all about dates and hitting targets. Then again, my mind doesn't exactly give me that end-date either with all the partying it does...pity partying, that is. So it's back and forth I go. I am usually encouraged and at peace when surrounded by spiritual Christians who genuinely care about what we're going through. And I'm usually sad & worried when I'm by myself.
What does that say about the depth of my faith? How strong is it really if, at the sight of one crisis, I am toppled over and pinned to the mat so easily? What can I do differently to make this stop??
I could do lots of things. I will try to do lots of things. I don't wish for this time to extend much longer, but what I don't want even more is to continue marinating in the negative self-talk that constantly plagues my mind. And then my spirit yells, "PRAY! NOW!"
Prayer is a means of communicating with my Heavenly Father, and it's not a one-way street. He shares with me what He wants me to dwell on. He shares with me what He wants me to pray about. He shares with me the changes that He wants me to make. Prayer is a very powerful means of working through my problems and negative self-talk. When life knocks me down, prayer is what gives me the strength, energy and focus I need to struggle and fight my way up and out of a heart-breaking, life-altering pin that would otherwise keep me down on the mat.
I would love for God to share with me the date when hubby will be offered another job. Alas, it doesn't work that way. If it did, I might miss out on even greater blessings...the ability to finally stop relying on my own strength and to once-and-for-all rely on His. Through the uncertainty, I might finally be able to let go of the control I value so much. Through the uncertainty, I might finally stop battling with myself and celebrate victories that happen on a daily basis...for example, getting one (or both) of my girls to eat the supper I work hard to prepare, having a productive day despite wanting so badly to be lazy, giggling with hubby over something goofy even though 15 minutes earlier I wanted to strangle him because of a misunderstanding.
God has blessed us several times over throughout the last month, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Do my actions speak louder than my words though? I say that I'm grateful, and I mean it. But have my actions said that I'm grateful? This last week, I'd say that both my actions and my words have been equally lousy. This coming week, my prayer focus and attention will be on improving both...not to the point of being fake, but to the point of reflecting my new motto. I may be sad. I may be angry. I may be worried. I may be stressed, but I am most definitely blessed! With God as my coach & trainer, the wrestling match is already over, and my spirit has already won. My mind just hasn't gotten the final score yet. Hopefully it will get the message this week!
Question: When encountered with life's problems, what or who do you rely on to strengthen your resolve? Is it yourself? What if you get a second time or a third? Are you still able to maintain strength, energy and focus? How do you recharge your batteries, so to speak, to keep fighting? Or do you remain pinned until the problem passes?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tough choices and tougher sacrifices
Today marks the 4th week of hubby's unemployment...one whole month. Wow. He's finding the job market for his field is very slow. It's been very quiet in terms of responses. Neither one of us is losing hope, but each passing, quiet day is hard. We both have faith and hope that something is brewing for him, but how long it will take is an unknown. I hate unknowns with a passion; I'm too much of a control freak, so God is doing a work in me to resolve that. I've gotten a lot better over the years, but it remains a daily challenge. In this situation, I've resolved in my mind that it will take about 2 months for hubby to find a new job. Obviously, we'd love if it happens sooner, but I'm okay with that timeframe. If his unemployment goes beyond that, I will adjust, but it will be harder than it is today.
We looked at our budget with fresh eyes and believe that we can make it on what I make and his unemployment benefits, which thankfully started today. We aren't 100% sure, but we weren't 100% sure when I quit full-time work. God blessed us with more than we anticipated back then, so I'm sure He will surprise us again. That doesn't give us license to spend freely; we are still expected to be good stewards of what He provides. So some tough choices and tougher sacrifices will have to be made.
The first decision will be about health insurance. We have a good idea how much COBRA will cost, but we've also contacted an independent agent. Between the two, we should be able to find an affordable option. We also had to make some cuts in our normal spending...less on utilities, groceries, outings, gasoline and misc spending. That won't be easy either, but our dwindling bank account will dictate our actions....in other words, no relying on credit cards!! Getting deeper into debt in order to get things we want and/or put on appearances is definitely not an option. If we do have to use our savings in the future, it will be hard to build it back up again when hubby does find employment. Burdening ourselves with paying off additional debt would be unwise. The hardest part about cutting the budget is that there is no room for short-term or long-term saving. We were saving for a new car; that's on hold. We were saving for Christmas; that's on hold. We want to save more for retirement & college; that's postponed.
Beyond finances, he & I have to make decisions about the type of work he will seek and eventually accept. He currently is search for a permanent replacement of the last job...similar work, same pay. After a couple months, he plans to open himself up for contract (aka temp) work and/or a slightly lower wage. After a few more months, he's open to working in a call center. Honestly, I know he hates that kind of work so much that I'd rather see him dig ditches! :) After several more months go by, he's willing to find whatever he can, which leads to me.
I have the ability to return to work and earn a salary that will support the family. I have a college degree and had a successful career in my field for 15 years before I quit full-time work. Even now, my part-time is related to my field. I also earned more than hubby at my full-time job; quitting was a decision we made together because I wanted so badly to be at home with my babies. The modern option of me working and him at home is an option, but one that is undesirable to us. If that's what we have to do, then we'll do it. The idea of "role switching" is not what either of us want.
Adding to the complexity is that hubby and I both have the ability to start our own company, but that would require a lot more time and effort to build up. And there's no guarantee it would be a success; we may have to live off very little for a long time before the client base is large enough that it would support the family. So would that be worth it? Would it be worth the risk? Hubby has always insisted that I start my own company, and honestly, right now would be the best time to do it. Our budget is not dependent upon a full-time salary from me, so I essentially have time on my side.
Decisions, decisions, decisions....I wish I had a crystal ball! As Christians, we seek God's wisdom through prayer. That may sound odd to you, but in my personal experience, God answers those prayers. He does not expect us to reserve prayer for only the REALLY BIG problems or decisions. He wants us to seek his guidance in everything we do. So hubby & I take advantage of that. Sometimes the answers are very real, and sometimes the answers are a little vague. Sometimes we're left with doubt, but we move forward according to what seems to be the right decision. Do we still make mistakes? Absolutely! Sometimes what we perceive as an answer is really our own heart drowning out God's words; in other words, our own selfish desire is so loud in our hearts that God's words aren't even heard. And then we assume that what we feel in our gut is God's answer. It doesn't work that way, and it's even harder to fully explain. What I can say is that we trust in our decision-making abilities when we're empowered with God's wisdom and guidance.
Question: When faced with tough decisions, do you operate on gut instinct alone or do you analyze and make a decision based on the facts? If you do believe in God, do you seek His advice and then take the time to actually listen for His response? Do you feel so overwhelmed that you make no decision at all...if that's possible? And how do you feel about those decisions when you make or don't make them...peaceful, worried, doubtful?
We looked at our budget with fresh eyes and believe that we can make it on what I make and his unemployment benefits, which thankfully started today. We aren't 100% sure, but we weren't 100% sure when I quit full-time work. God blessed us with more than we anticipated back then, so I'm sure He will surprise us again. That doesn't give us license to spend freely; we are still expected to be good stewards of what He provides. So some tough choices and tougher sacrifices will have to be made.
The first decision will be about health insurance. We have a good idea how much COBRA will cost, but we've also contacted an independent agent. Between the two, we should be able to find an affordable option. We also had to make some cuts in our normal spending...less on utilities, groceries, outings, gasoline and misc spending. That won't be easy either, but our dwindling bank account will dictate our actions....in other words, no relying on credit cards!! Getting deeper into debt in order to get things we want and/or put on appearances is definitely not an option. If we do have to use our savings in the future, it will be hard to build it back up again when hubby does find employment. Burdening ourselves with paying off additional debt would be unwise. The hardest part about cutting the budget is that there is no room for short-term or long-term saving. We were saving for a new car; that's on hold. We were saving for Christmas; that's on hold. We want to save more for retirement & college; that's postponed.
Beyond finances, he & I have to make decisions about the type of work he will seek and eventually accept. He currently is search for a permanent replacement of the last job...similar work, same pay. After a couple months, he plans to open himself up for contract (aka temp) work and/or a slightly lower wage. After a few more months, he's open to working in a call center. Honestly, I know he hates that kind of work so much that I'd rather see him dig ditches! :) After several more months go by, he's willing to find whatever he can, which leads to me.
I have the ability to return to work and earn a salary that will support the family. I have a college degree and had a successful career in my field for 15 years before I quit full-time work. Even now, my part-time is related to my field. I also earned more than hubby at my full-time job; quitting was a decision we made together because I wanted so badly to be at home with my babies. The modern option of me working and him at home is an option, but one that is undesirable to us. If that's what we have to do, then we'll do it. The idea of "role switching" is not what either of us want.
Adding to the complexity is that hubby and I both have the ability to start our own company, but that would require a lot more time and effort to build up. And there's no guarantee it would be a success; we may have to live off very little for a long time before the client base is large enough that it would support the family. So would that be worth it? Would it be worth the risk? Hubby has always insisted that I start my own company, and honestly, right now would be the best time to do it. Our budget is not dependent upon a full-time salary from me, so I essentially have time on my side.
Decisions, decisions, decisions....I wish I had a crystal ball! As Christians, we seek God's wisdom through prayer. That may sound odd to you, but in my personal experience, God answers those prayers. He does not expect us to reserve prayer for only the REALLY BIG problems or decisions. He wants us to seek his guidance in everything we do. So hubby & I take advantage of that. Sometimes the answers are very real, and sometimes the answers are a little vague. Sometimes we're left with doubt, but we move forward according to what seems to be the right decision. Do we still make mistakes? Absolutely! Sometimes what we perceive as an answer is really our own heart drowning out God's words; in other words, our own selfish desire is so loud in our hearts that God's words aren't even heard. And then we assume that what we feel in our gut is God's answer. It doesn't work that way, and it's even harder to fully explain. What I can say is that we trust in our decision-making abilities when we're empowered with God's wisdom and guidance.
Question: When faced with tough decisions, do you operate on gut instinct alone or do you analyze and make a decision based on the facts? If you do believe in God, do you seek His advice and then take the time to actually listen for His response? Do you feel so overwhelmed that you make no decision at all...if that's possible? And how do you feel about those decisions when you make or don't make them...peaceful, worried, doubtful?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A new answer
A lot of people know our situation, and a lot of people are praying for us. (You know who you are, and we THANK you!) But that also means a lot of people ask us how the job hunting is going or how we're doing...a lot. If you are one of those people, we love you and thank you for asking. We are grateful for those who care enough to check in to make sure we're okay. And at the same time, it's a little overwhelming to give the same answer over and over again...especially when the answer isn't as positive as I'd like it to be. So today I decided that I need a new answer to the questions.
Even though we're knee deep in reality, I don't really like to dwell on it. The first weekend of his unemployment I celebrated my 20th high school reunion with old friends & classmates. It was absolutely what I needed. I laughed and talked a lot and really enjoyed myself. I love those kinds of diversions. I try to find them anywhere I can, and it usually presents itself in moments with my family...like getting into a tickle fest with the girls. Hearing that genuine belly laugh from them makes my heart smile. Or like snickering with my hubby over something one of the girls did or said. They make us snicker a lot these days. Or when I pray... with someone or alone. It really allows me to release the emotions and puts my mind at ease. I also like to stay busy; I've got to concentrate on something other than the problems or potential problems.
I went into one of those negative places again today...all the inquiries felt like a constant reminder of what we're going through. Then God spoke to my heart. The ones asking us are genuinely concerned and are the ones who offer help and prayer. What's so wrong with that? Nothing. And then He reminded me that I look for those distractions and diversions because everything around me is a constant reminder. Two days after he lost his job, I had to run to Home Depot to pick up a new shower rod for our re-tiled shower. I started to break down in the isle. The next day, I had to buy groceries, and I started to break down in the isle. When I think that my stay-at-home days will soon be over, I break down. When I pray by myself, I break down. And when I see the worry or the discouragement on my husband's face, my heart breaks.
Constant reminders are all around me, so people asking questions shouldn't be a big deal, which is why I was in need of a new answer. I needed an answer that is authentic and honest but also expresses the fact that we have not lost hope. I needed an answer that explains how I feel but also how God covers me with His loving hand and wraps me in His comforting arms. When Dave Ramsey takes a call on his radio show, the caller almost always asks how he is doing to which he replies, "Better than I deserve." It's an absolutely perfect answer, but since he's coined it, I don't want to copy. So I needed an answer that unique to me.
And the answer is....STRESSED BUT BLESSED!
Question: When something bad happens, do you like to talk about it with everyone or do you tend to keep it under wraps? Do you ever feel like the constant reminders will "do you in" or do you feel as though you're strong enough to muscle past the problem?
Even though we're knee deep in reality, I don't really like to dwell on it. The first weekend of his unemployment I celebrated my 20th high school reunion with old friends & classmates. It was absolutely what I needed. I laughed and talked a lot and really enjoyed myself. I love those kinds of diversions. I try to find them anywhere I can, and it usually presents itself in moments with my family...like getting into a tickle fest with the girls. Hearing that genuine belly laugh from them makes my heart smile. Or like snickering with my hubby over something one of the girls did or said. They make us snicker a lot these days. Or when I pray... with someone or alone. It really allows me to release the emotions and puts my mind at ease. I also like to stay busy; I've got to concentrate on something other than the problems or potential problems.
I went into one of those negative places again today...all the inquiries felt like a constant reminder of what we're going through. Then God spoke to my heart. The ones asking us are genuinely concerned and are the ones who offer help and prayer. What's so wrong with that? Nothing. And then He reminded me that I look for those distractions and diversions because everything around me is a constant reminder. Two days after he lost his job, I had to run to Home Depot to pick up a new shower rod for our re-tiled shower. I started to break down in the isle. The next day, I had to buy groceries, and I started to break down in the isle. When I think that my stay-at-home days will soon be over, I break down. When I pray by myself, I break down. And when I see the worry or the discouragement on my husband's face, my heart breaks.
Constant reminders are all around me, so people asking questions shouldn't be a big deal, which is why I was in need of a new answer. I needed an answer that is authentic and honest but also expresses the fact that we have not lost hope. I needed an answer that explains how I feel but also how God covers me with His loving hand and wraps me in His comforting arms. When Dave Ramsey takes a call on his radio show, the caller almost always asks how he is doing to which he replies, "Better than I deserve." It's an absolutely perfect answer, but since he's coined it, I don't want to copy. So I needed an answer that unique to me.
And the answer is....STRESSED BUT BLESSED!
Question: When something bad happens, do you like to talk about it with everyone or do you tend to keep it under wraps? Do you ever feel like the constant reminders will "do you in" or do you feel as though you're strong enough to muscle past the problem?
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