First and foremost, Merry Christmas to everyone and anyone reading this post! Despite the hardships of 2008, our family has been blessed enormously...not just mean in a materialistic sense.
Hubby & I discussed how to handle the whole "Santa thing" with our kids long before they were born, but this year we had to put it into practice. Ray is not quite three, so she's still too young to fully appreciate the significance of Christmas, but she's astute enough to realize that there is something to this Santa guy. What to do?
I know some people who refuse to acknowledge Santa - usually out of religious beliefs. And while our decision is also motivated by our faith, we chose not to take that particular path. As Christians, we cannot bury our heads in the sand to things of society. The Bible says that we are to be in the world but not of the world. Loosely translated, that means we are to function within society but not take up the trappings of it. Hubby & I are guilty of the latter...as are all Christians...but we try hard according to what we value and according to what we want our children to one day value.
Let's face it. Santa is EVERYWHERE! To ignore his existance is to avoid a teachable moment in my opinion. For example...a few days before Christmas (while getting ready for bed), Ray asked if her grandma could come to our house. I told her that grandma would be coming to our house on Christmas. Then I asked her if she knows why we celebrate Christmas. She mumbled something I couldn't quite understand, but in the midst of her mumbling, I distinctly heard "Santa". At that moment, I could have ignored what she said about Santa and went directly into a conversation about Jesus. I also could've chastised her for even mentioning his name. Instead I said, "Yes, honey, Santa is part of Christmas. But the REASON we celebrate Christmas is because it's Jesus's birthday." Ray is obsessed with everything related to birthdays right now, so when I said that, she got very excited. So in that moment, I was able to address what the world tells her but then also pass along what her daddy & I value more.
On Christmas Eve, I think I mentioned Jesus's birthday once more...I don't recall for certain....but after Christmas Eve service, I took her into the lobby of our church to say "hi" to people and wish them a Merry Christmas. Each time we approached someone, she would say "Merry Christmas!" and then whisper, "It's Jesus's birthday!". It was pretty cute. As a part of our dinnertime prayer that night, we lit a candle, sang Happy Birthday and blew it out. This morning when we woke her up with "Merry Christmas!", she mentioned something about Santa again, but then she immediately remembered that it's Jesus's birthday. She proceeded to tell everyone the same thing at our Christmas morning breakfast.
Truth is that I'm very proud of her. For being so young, she seems to have picked up on what we've taught her...in short order, no doubt. And as a result of our parental discussions, we decided there would be no gifts from Santa. Sure we can acknowledge his existance, but we're not going to take it that far. I know, I know, we're mean parents, right? Well, the thing is...if we don't want her to value Santa more than she values Jesus, then shouldn't we put that into action? Words alone aren't going to cut it. The example we give our girls has to be in spirit, words and action. We're still unsure about the path we're on...not quite sure it's going to work down the road...but all we can do is honor God and our children with the truth....
The reason for Christmas is Jesus. End of story. My constant prayer is that my children will embrace my values when they are old enough to decide. But in order for that to happen, I have to grab every teachable moment that I can. If I choose to leave Jesus on the sidelines while focusing on Santa, then that's what my girls will do...leave Jesus on the sidelines. I personally don't want that to happen, so I'll tackle whatever moment that I can. If she rejects my beliefs when she's older, then that's between her & God. But if I don't do my job as a parent, then it's between me & God. Personally, I don't want to stand before Him (as we all will one day) and be ashamed of the job I did in raising the precious gifts He blessed us with. As parents, we're in the business of planting seeds. All parents plant seeds into their children, and the kind of seeds planted is up to you. Hubby & I decided to plant lots and lots of "Jesus seeds" this Christmas. And I hope we're able to continue the hard work all year long...not just at Christmas time.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Joy Journal and the Reverse To Do List
Out of all the New Year's resolutions I want to keep this year, there are only two that I really want to accomplish. The first is to keep a "Joy Journal", and the second is a "reverse to do list".
I've always been a cynical person with the tendancy to be negative, and I'm tired of it. I'm not sure if I can discard it completely, but I certainly want to try. So I'm going to attack the negativity at the source...my thoughts. I'm terrible about talking negatively to myself, and that obviously doesn't help when I'm feeling bad.
So in order to combat my negative self-talk through writing and in two distinct ways. First is the joy journal. I'm committing to myself to take a few minutes every day to write down three positive things...one positive thing about me, one positive thing about my husband, and one positive thing about my kids. The bad stuff tends to stick with me a lot more than the good stuff, so this journal is an attempt to focus my thoughts (albeit forcibly on some days) on the good things of that day.
My second writing assignment is what I call the reverse to do list. I'm great about creating to do lists. I tend to be more motivated when I have a task list in writing instead of in my head. The trouble is that I have two small children and a part-time job that eat up a lot of my time, so my to-do list never seems to get done. In fact, it seems to get longer and longer, which is VERY discouraging and overwhelming to me.
So the to do list has become a negative thing for me. The reverse to do list will hopefully be a way to reinforce positive thinking in my life. The day will start out with a blank sheet of paper. Any time I accomplish something outside of the normal care of my children and my job, I plan to write it down. At the end of the day, I can look at that sheet of paper and feel proud about what I was able to accomplish.
Being the cynic that I am, I don't know if these two things will really help. BUT nothing could be lost, so why not give it a shot. I think my only challenge will be keeping these writing assignments short & sweet since time is of the essence. I am looking forward to the POSITIVE changes this may bring to my attitude and my daily life!
I've always been a cynical person with the tendancy to be negative, and I'm tired of it. I'm not sure if I can discard it completely, but I certainly want to try. So I'm going to attack the negativity at the source...my thoughts. I'm terrible about talking negatively to myself, and that obviously doesn't help when I'm feeling bad.
So in order to combat my negative self-talk through writing and in two distinct ways. First is the joy journal. I'm committing to myself to take a few minutes every day to write down three positive things...one positive thing about me, one positive thing about my husband, and one positive thing about my kids. The bad stuff tends to stick with me a lot more than the good stuff, so this journal is an attempt to focus my thoughts (albeit forcibly on some days) on the good things of that day.
My second writing assignment is what I call the reverse to do list. I'm great about creating to do lists. I tend to be more motivated when I have a task list in writing instead of in my head. The trouble is that I have two small children and a part-time job that eat up a lot of my time, so my to-do list never seems to get done. In fact, it seems to get longer and longer, which is VERY discouraging and overwhelming to me.
So the to do list has become a negative thing for me. The reverse to do list will hopefully be a way to reinforce positive thinking in my life. The day will start out with a blank sheet of paper. Any time I accomplish something outside of the normal care of my children and my job, I plan to write it down. At the end of the day, I can look at that sheet of paper and feel proud about what I was able to accomplish.
Being the cynic that I am, I don't know if these two things will really help. BUT nothing could be lost, so why not give it a shot. I think my only challenge will be keeping these writing assignments short & sweet since time is of the essence. I am looking forward to the POSITIVE changes this may bring to my attitude and my daily life!
The hostage crisis
About a month ago, we officially started potty training with Ray, and I've nicknamed it "the hostage crisis". That's what I feel like - a hostage! Ray has been having trouble with holding it for more than 45 minutes, so it's just easier to stay at home rather than to venture out. The first week went wonderfully. I was thrilled!! The second, third and fourth weeks, however, were brutal. I did my best to remain positive for her sake, but it got ugly sometimes...not abusive, mind you...just ugly. We wanted this more than she did, so it was a constant struggle that just wore me out. I was seriously ready to go back to diapers and was counseled by a few people to do just that.
But knowing my daughter, I knew that if we returned to diapers she would feel either discouraged or happy. I didn't want either feeling. So after discussing it w/hubby, we decided to stock up on training underwear and the plastic covers to make it easier on those days when she didn't feel like using the potty at all. At one point, I even told her that I was going to put her back in diapers. She said she didn't want diapers anymore, which frankly surprised me!
Then last Friday, we left her w/my in-laws overnight. I had a breakfast meeting the next day and planned to shop afterwards, so hubby had to pick up the girls. When I called to find out how they did, he said, "I have to tell you something that you don't want to hear." At first, I was frantic. What happened?! Then it hit me....she was dry the entire time she was with my in-laws. When I heard that, I was initially so angry. Then I realized what I had been reflecting on for the last few days. There's something about being at home that makes her not want to use the potty, and quite honestly, it's us.
As hard as we've tried, we haven't been very positive for her. A friend mentioned that she read a book that recommended not saying anything when the child has an accident, but then load up the praise when they do. You aren't to scold the child or say anything negative whatsoever. That may sound easy, but you have NO idea how difficult it is when you're changing her underwear for the fifteenth time in one day. After hearing about Ray's tremendous acheivement with my in-laws, I decided to really work that plan.
The very next day, Ray did beautifully! She even stayed dry for nearly 90 minutes while I attended church; I had forgotten to check on her during the service, so I was elated to see that she held it the entire time. When she urinated the rest of the day, it was in large quantities...which is something she's not done in awhile...and she had only two accidents back-to-back that evening. I could tell that both accidents were truly that - not just from her being lazy or stubborn.
And I'm happy to report that this week has been so much better! Ray has had lots of accidents this week, but I've approached each one with a "Oh well" attitude. In fact, she & I quote from one of her potty DVDs...accidents happen! That seems to have boosted her self-esteem and has helped her get to the potty more often. And the "accidents happen" song definitely removes the stress and frustration from my attitude. I know better than to get my hopes up and say that she's officially potty trained, but she is definitely taking steps in the right direction.
It's really true what I've heard...potty training isn't just about training the child, but it's also about training the parents. That training involves the parents learning that a child is in total control over themselves; the parents have no control at all. You can guide, motivate, discipline and teach your children, but we do not control them.
But knowing my daughter, I knew that if we returned to diapers she would feel either discouraged or happy. I didn't want either feeling. So after discussing it w/hubby, we decided to stock up on training underwear and the plastic covers to make it easier on those days when she didn't feel like using the potty at all. At one point, I even told her that I was going to put her back in diapers. She said she didn't want diapers anymore, which frankly surprised me!
Then last Friday, we left her w/my in-laws overnight. I had a breakfast meeting the next day and planned to shop afterwards, so hubby had to pick up the girls. When I called to find out how they did, he said, "I have to tell you something that you don't want to hear." At first, I was frantic. What happened?! Then it hit me....she was dry the entire time she was with my in-laws. When I heard that, I was initially so angry. Then I realized what I had been reflecting on for the last few days. There's something about being at home that makes her not want to use the potty, and quite honestly, it's us.
As hard as we've tried, we haven't been very positive for her. A friend mentioned that she read a book that recommended not saying anything when the child has an accident, but then load up the praise when they do. You aren't to scold the child or say anything negative whatsoever. That may sound easy, but you have NO idea how difficult it is when you're changing her underwear for the fifteenth time in one day. After hearing about Ray's tremendous acheivement with my in-laws, I decided to really work that plan.
The very next day, Ray did beautifully! She even stayed dry for nearly 90 minutes while I attended church; I had forgotten to check on her during the service, so I was elated to see that she held it the entire time. When she urinated the rest of the day, it was in large quantities...which is something she's not done in awhile...and she had only two accidents back-to-back that evening. I could tell that both accidents were truly that - not just from her being lazy or stubborn.
And I'm happy to report that this week has been so much better! Ray has had lots of accidents this week, but I've approached each one with a "Oh well" attitude. In fact, she & I quote from one of her potty DVDs...accidents happen! That seems to have boosted her self-esteem and has helped her get to the potty more often. And the "accidents happen" song definitely removes the stress and frustration from my attitude. I know better than to get my hopes up and say that she's officially potty trained, but she is definitely taking steps in the right direction.
It's really true what I've heard...potty training isn't just about training the child, but it's also about training the parents. That training involves the parents learning that a child is in total control over themselves; the parents have no control at all. You can guide, motivate, discipline and teach your children, but we do not control them.
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