Reasoning

Hubby & I have prayed for a couple of things over the last few months. First that God would help us eventually move to a neighboring town. We go to church in that town, and we know many, many other families with kids who are the same age as our girls. Second that God would help hubby with a troubling situation at work. His employer was courting Planned Parenthood of Iowa as a client, and he would've been the one who serviced the account.

What we didn't consider, until now, is that this job loss might be an answer to one or both of those prayers. In order to move to the neighboring town...in the near future...hubby would have to earn a little more money. Hubby also did not want to be put in the position of managing an account with Planned Parenthood, but he was hesitant to speak up for fear of getting into trouble and/or losing his job.

I've also thought a lot about what God may want hubby or I (or both) to learn from this situation. Is this an exercise of faith, trust, patience, etc.? Or does He want us to lean on each other more thereby strengthening our family/marriage? Or maybe He wants us to learn more compassion for others who are going through hard times?

I'm a bargain hunter by nature; it's in my blood. Besides having to be to save money, I love the thrill of getting a good deal. Something wonderful in exchange for very little. And the bargain hunter is coming out in me even in this situation. If God would just give hubby a job now, I promise. We'll be better with our money, be better about praying, be better Christians, be better parents, be better spouses....yadda, yadda, yadda. Those promises are sincere, but can we actually live up to the agreement? Or is it a case of getting something wonderful in exchange for very little?

This is how I deal with the question of "Why?". Is it because God is at work to give us the answer we want? Is it because I'm doing something wrong that He desires me to change? Is it because I need to learn something new from Him...or maybe hubby needs to learn something new?

I don't claim to know the mind or the ways of God. He is much, much bigger than I am, and His ways are not always understandable. Maybe there is something in our situation that will touch or affect someone else in a very profound and real way. Even though I don't relish the idea of my family suffering, if it means someone else can see God's love, peace and wisdom through me, then it is worth the sacrifice.

When I encounter a problem, I always want a reason for the problem. That seems to help me fight back or survive or remain calm. But sometimes I never know the reason, and that's hard. Only time will tell whether this situation is an answer to prayer or a lesson in the making or something altogether different. And as a child of the Most High God, I'm at peace with that...most of the time. In those moments when I'm not at peace, I take it to my Heavenly Father, and He graciously grants me His peace that gets me through those moments. I'm reminded tonight of a song we sang at church recently:

God Is On Our Side (Chris Tomlin)
** Look it up; it's an awesome uplifting song!**
Everyone around the world; Hear the joyful sound
See the heavens open up; Hear the music coming down
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love; I can't help but celebrate
'Cause we're not alone

If God is on our side; Who can be against us?
If God is on our side; We won't be afraid
Though the mountains may fall; And the sky will crumble
There ain't nothin' gonna stand in our way

Come on down to the riverside; Wash it all away
Leave behind your troubled mind; For an uncloudy day
Nothing's gonna separate us from the Father's love
I can't help but CELEBRATE; 'CAUSE WE'RE NOT ALONE!

With someone like that in my corner, I can do anything! And He will do everything in order to remind me of that fact every single day...even when I don't want to hear it.

Question: (Whether you believe in God or not) When you encounter a problem, do you try to seek out the reason, do you fold or do you just soldier on...no explanation necessary? Have you ever considered that a problem may actually be an answer to a prayer...just in a different form than you originally hoped for?

Can we talk?

You have one of those moments when you can take a deep breath and relax. When going through a rough time, it's almost an intoxicating feeling! I had two of those moments last week.

When hubby was working, he had a cell phone that could be used for limited personal calls. We also have a cell phone and a plan with the least amount of minutes because it doesn't get used that much. About a year and a half ago, we decided to eliminate the telephone line to the house because it seemed like a waste. We could communicate with people either via our cell phones, email or Facebook. Why spend another $20 a month when it's not necessary? Unfortunately when hubby lost his job, we also lost the cell phone.

One cell phone with 450 monthly minutes +
Numerous phone calls to make to former employer, unemployment, potential new employers =
Overage charges

Eeks - not what we need to add to our bottom line right now! We could add a second phone and/or increase the cell plan, but we want to hold off on that as long as we can. A work cell phone is not uncommon in hubby's field, so the chances of him getting another one with a new job are good. Why be under a 2-year contract for a phone and/or expensive plan that we do not need? I ordered a new home line that first week but cancelled it because hubby thought we should get a no-contract phone. That wasn't the best decision because the stupid no-contract phone gets one (sometimes two) bar at our house. G-R-E-A-T! On top of that, the per minute charges for those phones isn't exactly a bargain either. As stupid as it sounds, we began rationing our minutes. After a couple of weeks of that, we decided to order the home line again, which we got last week. WHEW! I can finally talk on the phone without a timer in my hand!!!!! And thank God...we're almost finished with the current billing cycle, and we have at least an hour leftover. We should be able to avoid extra charges...at least this month.

The second time I could take one of those deep, intoxicating breaths was last Friday. The week before, we received a letter from unemployment. They scheduled an informational (investigative) meeting regarding his unemployment benefits. His employer said he would not contest benefits, but you never really know until it's reality. The letter made us worry a little more for a whole week. I had to leave during hubby's meeting, but when I returned home, WHEW! Turns out the meeting was not necessary, and we can anticipate benefits to begin soon. The meeting was scheduled because of the incompetence of the employer's HR rep...which doesn't surprise us. His employer contracts their HR services out to another company. This company is so totally worthless; they've screwed up so many times on just our stuff that I want to strangle someone.

And now that I can breathe again, I've got to remind myself that I just need to keep breathing! We are heading into a new month, which for us represents a new budget...a much leaner budget. Neither one of us is looking forward to the cuts that we have to make, but we will make them in order to keep our family clothed, fed and sheltered. We're very blessed in that our expenses are very low. It's still going to be tight for us, but since the only debt we have is the house, we don't have to worry about repossessions or credit problems. The house payment itself is about the same as an apartment in our area, so it is definitely within reach for us even on a much smaller income. God has been good to us, is good to us and will be good to us! Of that, we have no doubt!

Question: Have you ever experienced one of those WHEW! moments when you feel as though the entire world has just been lifted from your shoulders? What kinds of events make you tense up so much that you cannot breathe deeply? Do you wish you wouldn't have worried so much after the hard time passes?

Certain uncertainty

I was a cheerleader in the 8th grade, and I was never very good at it. But here I am at 30-something now trying to be hubby's cheerleader. It's not easy. His inner voice is speaking so loudly that he does not hear me. I think he also has a hard time being his own cheerleader, which is why I'm glad that he turns to God in those moments. But sometimes I don't feel like being his cheerleader. It can be exhausting, and some days I am just not up for the task. I can't always be cheerful. I can't always be encouraging. Sometimes I just want to "be" and be allowed to wallow in whatever emotions I'm feeling.

The other day, I was crabby, and he was crabby. We did our best not to take it out on each other, but you know how that goes. To say we were both emotionally sensitive is an understatement. I like how Dr. Phil illustrates emotional sensitivity. He says that it's like having a sunburn on your back; you're already in a little bit of pain. But then someone comes along and slaps you right on that sore spot, and you jump out of your skin. According to Dr. Phil's explanation, our emotions are a bit crispy right now, and we were slapping each others backs that day. :)

I don't remember who started crabbing first or why, but I do remember sitting on the back steps that night having a conversation with God. I asked him to forgive me of the worry and fear that I allowed to dictate my behavior. I explained to Him that it's just the uncertainty of our future that has me on edge and that when he gets a new job...

Huh? What was that? Why does the presence of a job (or lack thereof) dictate what I'm saying and doing?
How does a new job equal certainty in my future?

Uh-oh...it doesn't. What if that company goes under next year? What if a new job means hubby works constantly and is never home? What if he doesn't make nearly as much money?

God speaks to my heart constantly...even when I'm aimlessly yammering. So that night, this is how the conversation looks in my mind's eye.

Me: Dear Heavenly Father please help me....yadda, yadda, yadda.
God: <>
Me: Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda.
God: Umm....Why do...
Me: Yadda, yadda, yadda
God: He-lll-000000...Why do you think....
Me: Yadda, yadda, yadda.
God: WHY DO YOU THINK A NEW JOB IS THE SOLUTION TO YOUR BAD ATTITUDE????
Me: Yadda...yadda.....yad-.....did you say something?!

Nothing...and I do mean NOTHING...is certain in this life. That's the whole problem. Life is dynamic; in other words, it constantly changes. Just because you may be having hard times now doesn't mean you'll have hard times next year. Just because you may live in prosperity now doesn't mean you'll be living in prosperity next month. Just because you're healthy today doesn't mean you'll be healthy tomorrow. Just because you're children are compliant now doesn't mean they'll be as compliant in six months.

I tend to run "what if" scenarios in my mind in order to calm my nerves because it somehow makes me feel in control of the future. Constant planning...constant "what if"-ing doesn't mean that I'm in control of anything. It means I'm fooling myself into believing that I'm in control. Then something inevitably happens to knock me back into reality. In those hard moments, I realize that my emotions and behavior are rooted in the wrong place.

So there in the dark that night, I realized that my excuse for not behaving well was not a good one. I was in need of a reminder....that my circumstances should not be the basis of my happiness. In other words if things are good, I'm good. If things are bad, I'm bad. If things are very bad, I'm very bad.

Remember that professor guy a couple years back who was dying of terminal cancer and gave his class a lecture about living life as a Tigger or as an Eeyore. Wow, what a powerful testimony. Here's a guy who knows that he will leave this Earth forever. He will leave behind his loving wife and child(ren), but he's pleading with people to live like Tigger...no matter what.

Question: Is your attitude and behavior rooted in your circumstances? Do you feel as though you control your own destiny? Have you ever experienced a time when you realize that you are, in fact, not in control at all? Does that make you want to let the situation go or does it make you want to cling to it tighter?

That's Free Entertainment

When one's financial future is on shaky ground, one shouldn't act as though it isn't. In other words, because we don't know what the future holds for us, we can't continue to live as though everything is the same as it was a month ago, which means entertainment for ourselves and for the girls has to be either free or extremely low cost. We're no strangers to this concept anyway since I work only part-time, but now that revenue is down the expenses have to follow. (Wish we could teach D.C. to do the same thing.)

Thankfully our girls are at an age when it doesn't take much to make them happy. We purchased a season zoo pass back in March, so you know we'll be using the heck out of that thing for the rest of the summer; I plan to be there so much that the animals will know us on sight! Our town doesn't have a huge library, but it provides enough excitement to kill an hour. Ray loves a good story and is especially fond of going to the library to see what new & exciting stories she can find. Our library offers story time, and other nearby libaries offer additional activities for free, which is nice. One of the local malls offers a free end-of-the-month family night complete with several inflatables, story characters, crafts, face painting, balloons....aaahhhh the wonder of it all. We took the girls to the August family night, and they had a blast. Until the weather gets cold, there's always the park or playdates with friends - not to mention several other places around the area that offer various free and low cost activities for little ones.

If our girls were older, entertaining them might be more of a challenge, but right now, I bask in the uncomplicated glory of watching them simply explore their world. It doesn't get much cheaper than that! They are well supplied in the toy area. Whatever we don't have, grandma usually does. I frequent garage sales often because I know all too well how fast a child's interest fades in a new toy. (In other words, retail is for suckers.) I'm especially proud of last week's purchase of a water/sand table for the backyard and a huge dollhouse with a gazillion accessories that was in great condition. (That one will get tucked away for Christmas and/or birthday.)

I cancelled our cable service earlier this month...was planning to anyway, not just because of hubby's job loss...so there are times when that has been a challenge. The girls watch way too much T.V. as it is, which is definitely our fault, but when they want to watch a show that's only on cable, redirecting their desire to local programming or our video library is a challenge. It's been hard for me too because I'm used to watching a little Food Network in the afternoon while they nap and because local programming isn't all that great. What's a girl to do? Never fear; there are free and low-cost ways to enjoy television too! Why pay for cable when I can watch most of my favorite shows (current and oldies) via online services like Hulu.com *for free*. When our budget allows for it, we'll purchase a Netflix box can download just about anything instantly. That's not free, but at less than $10/month, it sure beats the pants off cable.

Hubby & I have very little free time as it is, so we're not too worried about how to entertain ourselves beyond the boob tube. When we're not trying to keep up with the kiddos, we're either working or cleaning. Our house is such a disorganized mess that whipping it into shape will be our form of entertainment for awhile. We also have family in the area, so we enjoy just hanging out with them and shooting the breeze. We know several families who have children about the same age, so I'm looking forward to inviting many of them over throughout the winter. The kids stay occupied w/each other, and we can get some "adult time". He & I need to do better about scheduling time alone to enjoy each other's company though. That may be hard to do for nothing or next to nothing, but I'm sure we'll find a way.

What's interesting to me is how many times we've been asked in the past month to go do something. These activities vary from $20 to a hundred dollars or more. And even though I appreciate being asked and included, I can't help but wonder. Are we being asked because the person doesn't putt two and two together (as in, unemployment + two kids + uncertain future = not a good time to spend extra money) or if the person themself would think nothing about spending money as if there is no looming problem?

The trouble with living like there is no tomorrow is that tomorrow always comes sooner rather than later (unless you kick the bucket), and you usually end up with a mountain of debt to climb. No thank you! We've been down that road and don't care for a return trip. I don't assume anything malicious or hurtful by those who asked us to do things. I just don't know if it's because 1) they don't grasp the severity of our situation or 2) they wouldn't change anything if their financial future was on shaky ground.

Unfortunately a lot of people in this country tend to fall into category #2. I think it's how we got into the position we're in now...too many individuals & families (not the government and not the greedy Wall Street brokers) buying things they really didn't need and couldn't afford. They never thought about The Piper until he showed up on their doorstep loudly blowing his horn. Don't think for a second that I judge you if you are in that position now because I've done my fair share of the same thing. In the last three years though, I've fought with an intense focus to change not only the way that I live but also to spark a generational change in my family tree. The girls may not have the best of anything and may not get to do everything they'd like, but they will have what they need. In many parts of our world, folks don't even have that. The poorest in this country are still far better off than the poorest in the world.

Question: If you lost your job, would you continue living as though you hadn't? Would you take vacations, buy toys or cars or houses or clothes or whatever thinking that you'll be on stable ground again soon and will pay it off then? What happens if your period of uncertainty lasts much longer than you initially think it will? What would you do if you were in our shoes....live it up or conserve?

Waste, Hindsight & Regret

With most of America afflicted (to one degree or another) with the give-me-what-I-want-when-I-want-it mentality, I think I can safely say that we waste a lot. We waste our money. We waste our time. We waste our health. We waste our relationships. We waste our opportunities. And when a crisis hits, one may be tempted to bemoan anything and everything that happened before the crisis. Hubby & I are no different.

When he lost his job, we both immediately realized how much money we wasted over the last couple years. By some standards, we don't waste very much at all. We don't have a big house, new cars, lots of toys or anything like that. But by our own admission, we know that we should have been more responsible with our money in the past than we actually were. If we hadn't done this or if we hadn't bought that we would have more money in our emergency fund. Before the crisis, we were confident in the amount of money we saved. Now that we're knee deep in it, I can't help but think, "Is that all we have?!"

We've also wasted a lot of time. Hubby works in the computer field where technical certifications are highly valued. Unfortunately for us, he has not finished all the testing required nor has he been diligent about studying in the last couple years. Now that he's looking for work in a competitive job market, he wishes that he'd spent less time napping :) and more time studying. Not only that but he's under a lot more pressure to finish this testing. One of my greatest concerns is that I will have to re-enter the workforce and leave my children behind. I've been at home with them for 2 1/2 years, and I always hoped that I could continue on this path at least until they start school. I'll admit; being a stay-at-home mom is not nearly as easy or uncomplicated as I once thought. And since I don't have a boss to report to, my time management skills have been lax. I haven't spent nearly as much "quality time" with my girls as I planned. If I have to go back to work, I will look back on this time with happy moments and a lot of regret. How many hours did we waste watching television? How many hours did we waste doing not much of anything instead of doing the things we should have?

We've also wasted opportunities to connect, grow and mature...not only with each other but also with God, with the girls and with others. How many times in the past have we been handed an opportunity to serve someone else or to comfort someone else, and we've been too wrapped up in our own lives. We have so many people in our lives who are diligently praying for us (and you know who you are), but I honestly have to wonder how many times I've wasted the opportunity to do the same for someone else in the middle of their crisis? A few people have also given us things (which is really, really appreciated) out of the goodness of their hearts and totally unsolicited by us. But how many times have we been given that same opportunity and didn't take it?

I think most people refer to "hindsight" and "consequences" in a negative way. But neither is really a negative concept. In fact, I looked both up on dictionary.com.

Hindsight is defined as the recognition of the realities, possibilities or requirements of a situation, event, decision , etc., after its occurrence.

Consequence is defined as the effect, result or outcome of something occurring earlier.

To some degree, hubby & I are now reaping (and will continue to reap) the consequences of our wasteful lifestyle. How can we move forward and still maintain a positive outlook on our lives? Hindsight!

Hindsight can be a very powerful ally when you're in a crisis but only if you know how to harness its power. Hindsight can reveal blessings you took for granted. For example, our family and friends have been very, very supportive and encouraging. They were before the crisis too, but I'll be the first to admit that I've taken that support and encouragement for granted. But now I can look for those opportunities to pay it forward, so to speak. And because we took the financial steps we did in the past, we have a safety net to help us through this time. I took that for granted before, but now I thank God every day for blessing our efforts to clean up our finances and prepare for hard times. With the income stream turned off, I have to do my best to find even more creative ways to live on less. When the stream is restored, I can continue to walk down that frugal path in order to save even more money.

Of course, hindsight can also reveal the waste in your life, which will almost always lead to regret. Regret is useful only if actions are taken to stop past waste from becoming future waste. Wallowing in regret is not useful or productive, and it will not change anything about our circumstances. What will change our circumstance (and our attitude) ? Realizing that the waste needs to stop and then take action to stop it. If I continue to live wastefully, I will only add to that big ol' pile of regret. I may not feel the burden of that regret until later, but I will feel it. Deep, long-lasting regret will only lead to depression, and that isn't healthy either.

Hubby and I regret the things we've done in the past, and we're actively building a family plan that will enable us to stop the waste in it's tracks. Some changes will be harder for us than others. Some changes will not happen overnight. But we are determined to begin walking down the path of long needed change. And in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder if God allowed this crisis as a means of kicking us in the butt to get us moving.

Question: If there is waste in your life (money, time, relationships, health, opportunities, etc.), ask yourself these questions. What is wasteful in my life, and what prevents me from stopping that waste? What will it take to stop? Is a crisis necessary for me to make changes or can I make changes before a crisis hits? If you are in the middle of a crisis, are you wallowing in the regret or are you actively making changes in your life to prevent past waste from becoming future waste?

"Waste not, want not." I don't think that phrase refers just to material things.

Do you have an umbrella for a rainy day?

Our family has officially joined life in the unemployment line. Hubby lost his job about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Since I am a stay-at-home mom who works only 15 hours a week, I'm sure you can tell that this situation is an unwelcome one at the very least. Because we live on less than two full-time incomes, a job loss is always in the back of your mind. You never think it will happen to you, and then it does.

I will probably remember that day for the rest of my life. Not as in, "It was the worst day ever." But because it was one of those few times when fear genuinely gripped my heart and dictated my body. I literally burst into tears and physically shook when hubby came home with the news...not exactly the most supportive reaction known to man. After calming down, I apologized to him because I knew that my initial reaction would be the one that stuck with him. Honestly, he has enough stress and pressure on his shoulders to worry about how I'm going to react to unpleasant news.

Nonetheless, losing a job in this questionable economy is a concern. As Christians, our first and constant reaction is to pray. I realize that not everyone shares my spiritual convictions and beliefs. But I do honestly believe that as a child of God, He wants what is best for me. He wants what is best for hubby, and He wants what is best for our girls. I honestly believe that no matter what He will be with us through it all. And I honestly believe that He will provide.

Maybe that sounds a little foreign and foo-foo for your taste, and that's okay. Maybe you haven't experienced the life-changing power of an Almighty God in the way that hubby and I have. This isn't our first crisis as a couple, and it certainly won't be the last. And through every single one, we can see God's fingerprints. We see Him in the midst of our current struggles, and we can see His presence in past struggles.

Obviously my first question was: Why? Why us? Why now? We work our tails off to do right by our family. We don't have things handed to us on a silver platter. We don't have parents with deep pockets. And then I realized, those things really don't matter because every day this exact same thing happens to families who are much worse off than we are.

Hubby & I got our financial house in order nearly three years ago, which is what enabled me to quit full-time work. In the process of paying off all our debt (approximately $65,000 in about 3 1/2 years time), we also shoved my last few paychecks into the savings account to establish a decent rainy day fund. Guess what? It's R-A-I-N-I-N-G!

After scrutinizing our financial position (and after lots of prayer by us and others), he & I calmed down to the point of being at peace. Between the emergency fund and unemployment, we can sustain things for anywhere from 6 months to 1 year providing our cars keep running and we experience no further major emergencies. If hubby can't find employment by then, that means the entire country is going downhill fast. So we won't be starving alone. :)

While this situation is not a welcome one, we also realize that God may be trying to teach us something and/or trying to teach others through us. Even though we're concerned, we are at peace. That peace can be attributed to lots of different things in our lives....the first of which is that we have Numero Uno in our corner, and the second is that we handled the blessings (which were given to us by Him) in a responsible manner so that when life hit us hard, we could hit back.

If you are reading this, I would say that I covet (yes, that's an old word to be sure) your prayers. We obviously want hubby to get back into the working world as quickly as possible! I plan to blog through this situation. I told hubby that maybe this can be an adventure to see just how little we can live on, so I will definitely chronicle those tips as well. But because I want others to learn from what we're going through, I'm also going to end each blog with a question.

Question: Do you have an umbrella for a rainy day? If you don't and your financial house needs an extreme makeover like ours did, I strongly urge you to check out the Financial Peace plan authored by Dave Ramsey. Between him & God, my initial wave of fear passed very, very quickly.