Redefining "Want" and "Need"

As I wrote the last entry, a thought hit me like a freight train. If hubby & I can rid ourselves of a mountain load of debt, why can't anyone else? The short answer...they can! I've been a little down since recent conversations with folks who are starting on the debt-free path. Why are they so sure they can't do it? Doesn't that line of thought set one up for failure out of the shoot? The answer is two-fold. First as you realize just how much trouble you might be in, you feel overwhelmed...to the point of hopelessness and inaction. But you shouldn't let it stop you from achieving your goals.

Second as you try to revamp your financial situation, you may or may not realize that your lifestyle has to change. The degree to which a lifestyle has to change depends on the family. Some families have to make major changes like selling a home or car, taking on another job, etc. We were not in that position, so I can only empathize with how difficult that type of lifestyle change might be. Yeah, it seriously sucks that you have to sell your lovely home, but what's more important? A nice house filled with really nice things? Or ridding yourself of fear, anger, frustration and sadness because you cannot pay all your bills?

And therein lies the problem. Many people will say they want to be debt-free, but they don't want to do the work or make the hard sacrifices. It's like losing weight. I'd love to be 50 pounds lighter, and the only reason I'm not is because I haven't committed myself to the hard work involved. Why? Because I'm too comfortable and not looking forward to the sacrifices. I don't know many who relish the idea of going through great pain to achieve a goal, but I promise anyone this. If you trudge toward the goal one step at a time...making the hard choices, following through on the commitment, staying focused and encouraged when there is no good reason to...you will never regret it.

When one is faced with overwhelming debt, many sacrifices have to be made. One of the first things a person can do is redefine the words "want" and "need". Americans have gotten all too comfortable with saying, "I need ________." Most of the time, the blank represents something that truly is a want. So let's redefine those words.

Trixie's Dictionary:
Need = a product/service that is required for survival
Want = a product/service that is extra and only purchased after all needs are purchased and only if extra funds are available to purchase it

Sometimes those definitions aren't even sufficient. Some people think they need a 3,000 square foot home for their family of three. More affluent members of our society may see a country club membership as a need because it's required for survival within their social circle. That's not at all what I'm talking about by survival

Merriam-Webster defines survival as "the continuation of life or existence". That sums it up! Examples of a need in our society include things like housing, food, utilities, transportation, clothing. Be careful! Even in those categories you can overspend your limits...huge, expensive home, overpriced cars, top-of-the line groceries or lots of eating out, running the furnace or A/C at high levels. Did you know that in 1973, the average home size was about 1600 square feet, and in 2005 that jumped to about 2400 square feet? And overall our families are getting smaller. We're accumulating way to much crap (aka "wants") and need more storage space. Well, that and we like to impress. :)

I'd love to have a slightly bigger home, but our finances will dictate when that will happen...if ever. Our family goal is to have a mortgage that is less than 25% of our take home pay and to have at least $15K in the bank as an emergency fund. That goal brings only peace of mind if we purchase the best home we can afford. Will my next home be my dream home? Probably not. I can dream pretty big! As far as our car goes, we drive two paid off old vehicles. They are safe, and they run like dickens. Do we have to shell out money for repairs? Sure, but we've purchased vehicles based on reliability and need...not looks. We don't ever wish to have a car payment again. Honestly I don't know if that is realistic considering that our cars are getting pretty old...12 years and 8 years respectively. But I'm definitely going to drive the wheels off them and continue to save little bits for a new one. As far as buying other things on credit, we won't go there. If we can't afford it, we don't get it. Period. End of story. The only time I could imagine us ever begin in consumer debt again is to literally survive...furnace gives out, major health problem, etc...not because we want cool clothes, lots of dinners out or constant entertainment. And if we find ourselves in consumer debt again, rest assured we will work our butts off, do without and pay the loan off early. In terms of utilities, clothing and food, I work very hard to keep these expenses as low. We keep the thermostat low to avoid high utility bills. I shop weekly sale ads, clip coupons and plan weekly meals to keep the food bill lower. I also love to cook, so I like to try making convenience foods from scratch, which saves money...pre-packaged dinners, sweets, snacks, etc. As far as clothing, we don't buy much brand-new. Obviously with growing girls, we have to shop a lot for them. Some things I buy brand-new but only if it's an item that I know will get a lot of use like coats or shoes. (That part is even easier for us because we have two girls, so there's twice the wear time!) As for us, we wear the same clothes for years buying new items only when needed or when there is extra money. I love, love, love going to garage sales, clearance sales, consignment shops and charity stores. Retail is for suckers! If you turn your nose up at that sort of thing, I don't know what to tell you other than I've found some very, very cute things that show virtually no signs of wear. I'm not a fashionista, but I don't buy just anything!

If one can control spending on "needs", they stand a good chance at controlling spending on "wants". We've been blessed enough to afford some little "wants" even at this low point. For example, we still go out to eat, but it's usually some place cheap and not very often. We still intend to buy for Christmas, but it won't be lavish and lots of gifts. In fact, we've already got two used toy sets that are in very good condition that our girls will adore. If that's all they end up getting for Christmas, they will be very happy...trust me. Hubby & I still plan date nights, but they usually involve some inexpensive activity.

In our family, "wants" are at the bottom of the list. Our income is first spent on "needs" and then a specific amount of money gets tucked away for short-term savings (Christmas and other gifts, semi-annual insurance premiums, car maintenance, etc.). We also tuck away money for long-term savings (new car, emergency fund, etc.) Then if we have money left over, we can seriously consider a "want" purchase/service, or it gets tucked away for that purchase at a later date...like when we can afford to pay for it outright. Which means that, even when hubby was working, we don't spend a lot of money on "wants".

If you think, "Wow, your life sucks!", then I guess that's your problem. Even though we don't have everything we'd love to have, I love my life. The only time I feel bad about my life is if someone makes a snotty comment to that regard or if I compare our family with another who overspends (read: has a lot of neat crap). Would I love more stuff? Sure, but what's more important...sacrificing stuff for the sake of a stable family life or sacrificing a stable family life for stuff?

BUT because our expenses are low and because we have an emergency fund, we are not at each other's throats, we are not freaking out, we are not crying every night, we are not stressed...even though hubby isn't working. To me, THAT is the definition of financial peace!! If you think my life sucks, what about the person who goes to bed hungry or cold or under a bridge? If you think my life sucks, perhaps your finances aren't your only problem area.

If you have made a mess of your finances in the past, then you may be faced with an overwhelming, hard journey of cleaning it up. Let me be the first to encourage you in two areas. Make those hard choices that will propel you to the finish line, and don't let anything stop you from ultimately crossing that finish line. You will never regret it...ever!

Question: Do your words indicate that you want to make some kind of change in your life...financial or otherwise? And do your words support what you claim you want? If not, find out why.

Taming the Beast

Hubby & I began walking the path of financial stability about seven years ago. He was on the verge of bankruptcy; I had a chunk of debt myself. We were planning to be married and really wanted kids. From the very beginning of our relationship, he & I both were of the opinion that one parent should stay home to raise the babies. Seven years ago, we knew that wasn't realistic until we decided to make a change.

He talked with an attorney about filing bankruptcy but soon realized that wasn't what he should do. I'm certainly sympathetic to those who have filed bankruptcy, so we don't think we sit in judgement. But we knew that it wasn't right for us, so we began the very difficult process of negotiating settlements and finding the money to pay off everything we could. Even though we settled a few of the debts, we still had to find thousands of dollars to pay them off. That wasn't easy!

Shortly after this process began, we found Dave Ramsey on the radio, and very quickly we were hooked. Listening to him talk about the very things we wanted for our future encouraged us to work even harder to get rid of this black cloud that was hanging over us. The goal: be rid of the debt before we had kids, so that I wouldn't have to return to work after maternity leave.

It didn't work out that way.

Ray came along, and I found myself in the very difficult position of having to return to work. I had no options, and I was very emotional. God blessed us with an AWESOME daycare provider, who loved Ray almost as much as we did. I did not worry about her well-being while I was at work, which was huge in itself, but I missed her dearly. The highlight of my day was walking into the daycare and seeing her little face light up and her little squeals of delight when she saw me. At the same time, it broke my heart. As much as I loved how that child greeted me, it broke my heart because she responded that way after not seeing me for so long. I often wondered whether she thought I would never return and then was so delighted when I did. The time that she was in daycare was good not only for her but for me. The gal who watched her was such an encouragement to me. A seasoned mother, grandmother and childcare worker, she clued me into a lot of things that I might have had to learn the hard way.

After about 3 1/2 years, we finished the debt-payoff part of our financial plan. We paid of $65K in total, and the Monday after paying off our truck, I gave my notice at work. I got to live the dream and be at home for my family, which quickly expanded by one more child when Jordi was born the following year.

Neat story, huh?

I'm so grateful that God blessed our journey and brought us to the point where we can now be an encouragement to others. Our story has caused many to take a hard look at their own finances, and some have even begun down the same path we took, which is awesome. I'm their biggest cheerleader!

Here's the catch.

Some people look at our situation and romanticize what we went through. In other words, I think they see the joy on our face and in our story and think that it was an easy process for us. It most certainly was not.

We can talk positively about our history because we're out of it, but if you would've talked to us during the process...specifically at the beginning of the process...you would've found that we were worried, overwhelmed and frustrated. Hubby & I cannot express in words how difficult and scary it was in the beginning for us, so before one starts on this path, they are just ready to go...they're all in. Then reality hits, and they realize exactly how hard it's going to be. They look at our smiles and think, "I'm never going to be able to do this!! I'm not like them. Those people are freaks, or they inherited some money or something. This is impossible!"

When I started writing this entry, my intention was to assign debt to the role of "beast". As I write, I realize that the beast that needs to be tamed is our attitude. In the beginning, we were scared, overwhelmed and angry. That last emotion is important; don't miss it! We were angry not just at ourselves for making bad choices, but we were angry at the debt itself because it was a physical manifestation of our stupidity. It was a constant reminder that we screwed up. That anger is what caused us to knock out debt after debt until the end. That anger is what caused us to get back on track when we found ourselves far off the path. That anger is what eventually transported us onto the path of joy...even before the debt was totally gone!

Attitude is the key to the process of reclaiming your financial future. If you allow yourself to become overwhelmed and discouraged, you will then allow yourself to make excuses for why it can't be done...so why bother? And then you continue down the path of accumulating more debt and worsening your financial situation. That doesn't make sense to me!

Over the past few years, we're often asked how exactly we did it, and often times I feel expected to give this long-winded, philosophical answer that will make light bulbs burst over and over again above their head. They look at me with such anticipation that I feel pressure! :) The next few seconds are hard for me because I know exactly how they'll respond to my answer...and it's usually not good. My answer? We lived on less than we made.

Simple. Period. No magic pill!

We got where we're at now with a lot of blood, sweat, tears, long hours, no fun, tons of sacrifice, etc. The years we spent paying off debt really sucked! We had to make sacrifice after sacrifice after sacrifice to get to the point where we're at now. We had watch and long for the same brand-new shiny things that others around us were buying. We didn't go on vacations or out to dinner much. We said "no" to lots of fun things because it didn't fit into our long-term plan. It was one of the hardest things I think both of us have ever done.

Most of us have been pre-programmed with the desire to want the good without the bad. We realized very early on that isn't realistic. We had to trudge through a lot of crap in order to get to the other side and slide to the finish line...laughing. If you're in this kind of a situation, let me be the first to encourage you to watch your attitude. Tame it, as a matter of fact. If you find yourself discouraged or overwhelmed, pray! God doesn't want you to be buried under debt, and if you take a step of faith to get rid of it, He will bless you...but pray for His help! We never would've accomplished what we did without Him.

As a matter of fact, this journey for us has been much more than a financial journey; it's been a spiritual one. God has shown Himself to us; He has shown us His generosity and mercy. He has blessed us with peace and even...when the moment warranted it...the right attitude. What I've realized this week is that the principles we implemented years ago are helping us in a HUGE way now.

If the debt were still around, I never would've quit work to be at home with my precious girls, and hubby's unemployment would be a constant fear for us. Instead, we're concerned but at peace knowing that we will not starve and that God will provide. If the debt were still around, we never would've put away money for a rainy day...hmmm. And by the way, if you're in doubt of God's blessings in our lives....hubby has been unemployed for 2 1/2 months, and we've not touched our emergency fund yet. Hmmmm. ;)

If we didn't implement certain principles back then...like delaying gratification now for satisfaction later...the transition from two full-time incomes to one would've been very, very difficult for us, and we would be struggling now that we're down to even less than hubby's income.

Taming your attitude is DIFFICULT WORK....so much so that most give up before they ever start. Taming my own attitude is still a process for me; I'm far from perfect! But do not be discouraged! If you want to prepare yourself for something so much better, then you have to get through the hard part in order to slide across the finish line. It just has to happen that way...and....you'll never be the same! :)

Question: What does your financial future look like? What if something catastrophic happens...will you be at least somewhat prepared?

Gems in the Tough Times

As a child, I was always told to count my blessings whenever I felt bad. Let me tell you...that didn't work at all! But it's because my view of life was horribly skewed by my own comfort and selfishness. That's not uncommon for a kid. As an adult, I always tried to count my blessings whenever hard times hit. But for every blessing, I could always find a curse.

It wasn't until I looked at life with new eyes that the practice of counting my blessings really helped pull me out of a bad mood. Those "new eyes" were given to me by God (of course) but also by a friend from church. She served as a missionary in Afghanistan for several years, and the first time I met her, she really caught my attention with stories of every day life over there. She really opened my eyes to just how good I (and many of us) have it in this country, but she didn't do it by making me feel bad about myself. She just told stories and answered questions about what her average day was like. It truly was eye opening for me, and I thanked her for that experience later on. (And if she happens to be reading this now, I'll thank her yet again!)

It wasn't until after that experience that counting my blessings has taken on new meaning. For example when times are bad, what's the cliche response of friends & family? "At least you've got your health!" To the average person, that is so stupid that most people have stopped using the expression. But think about it. Your health is EVERYTHING. If you don't have that, you are affected in a big, big way. Even though I'm frequently tired, I'm generally in decent health, and I'm totally guilty of taking that for granted. So every day, I quietly thank God for the blessing of another day...another day to spend with my loved ones, impact the world, enjoy what this country offers...but more importantly another day that is not guaranteed to me.

Thankfully I have much more than my health to be thankful for. Besides the obvious blessings (health, family, friends, etc.), I thought it might be fun (and/or funny) to list the blessings I can think of in a 5 minute period of time. Right now, it's 11:43. At 11:44, I'll start writing....GO!

• A refrigerator that is too full of food
• My new Netflix membership (FREE this month) and the ability to watch old TV shows that bring back fond memories
• Our local library which has an endless supply of books that my children love
• Our church
• My oldest daughter's ability to make me laugh
• My youngest daughter's sweet innocent face
• Watching my hubby be a darned good daddy to his girls
• The ability to pay all our bills...even now
• Our oldest vehicle that keeps running despite her age & mileage
• Our home...not a big place but a double blessing...less space to clean!
• Our neighbors
• My love of music and the ability to pass that love on to my girls
• My good genes...not very many gray hairs or wrinkles!
• My kitty cat :)
• My marriage...still going strong
• The fact that we have so much junk in this house that we made quite a bit of money selling it in a garage sale
• The ability to bless others with said stuff that didn't sell in the garage sale
• The freedom to profess and practice my faith with no fear of imprisonment, loss of income, etc.

Told you that it might be a funny list! You might read some of those and go...HUH?! No matter how difficult things might be, I cannot ignore that blessings are present all around me. And because I am believe that God is the manufacturer and distributor of blessings, then He is all around me. Even if you do not share my faith, you have to admit that line of thinking is bound to bring comfort in hard times.

I could probably create a list 20 times that long if I really concentrate. No matter how ugly or dirty or complicated my life gets, there will always be a gem to be found and treasured. Some gems are enormous; some are tiny and only important to me. But they are gems nonetheless.

Question: Do you spend more time counting your blessings or counting your deficits? Do you count your blessings and then follow it up with, "Yeah but....". Are your blessings more meaningful to you than your wants & desires? How much time do you focus on your blessings and how much time do you focus on what you don't have?

Hopeful but hestitant

We're quickly approaching the two month mark...two months since hubby lost his job. As we head into month 3, I'm hopeful but hesitant. I'm hopeful because we're not in financial dire straits, which means that hubby can continue his job search without the worry of us starving. I'm hopeful because the interview requests are slowly starting to come in. In fact, he has an interview with the local DNR office. If you happen to know my hubby, you know that he's salivating over this opportunity. Hubby hunts anything that moves...and even things that don't like morels. While the job would be technical in nature, it would give him exposure to people who share his love of outdoors. What better way to marry his passion with his work?? I'm also hopeful because we continue to rest in God's promise that He will provide. Even though we don't know exactly how He'll provide, we know that He will.

But I'm also hesitant...hesitant to get my hopes up. Honestly, I thought by this time hubby would be employed or at least on the fast track to employment. That isn't the case, so I'm left to wonder exactly how long is this going to take?? My anxiety is rooted in the fact that I have absolutely no control over this situation. And sometimes my anxiety is lived out as fear and/or anger. God has helped me keep this to a minimum in the last few weeks, but the longer this goes on, the harder it gets to keep it under control.

Add to that anxiety the fact that a few of his "promising" leads are now starting to fizzle, and it's a recipe for full-scale nuclear anxiety. Something I'm desperately trying to fight off this afternoon. I have not lost faith that God will provide, but I also know that He expects me to be wise...be wise in how I interact with hubby & the girls, be wise in how we spend our money & time, be wise in how I nurture or neglect my Christian journey during this time of uncertainty, etc. I think God also expects us to be wise about the reality of our circumstances.

In other words, when I say that I know God will provide, that doesn't give me right to sit back and expect The Big Guy to drop something into my lap. It means that I need to do what I can do and let Him take care of the rest...through faith in His promises. And in our situation,"doing what we can do" may mean sending me back into the workforce.

It's not what I want. It's not at all what I want. It breaks my heart to think of having to return to the dog-eat-dog world of work and leave my girls behind. But I also have marketable skills that may in turn feed and house our family. I don't think it's responsible of me to say, "No I absolutely will not go back to work." In order to return to the dog-eat-dog world though, I have to spend some time brushing up on the stuff I left behind a few years ago, which means taking even more time away from my family and other responsibilities. So do I start that now? Or do I wait until the situation becomes a little more dire? That will be my prayer request over the next week or so. I'll let you know what I/we decide! :)

Question: When a situation is a mixed bag of hopeful possibilities but your reality is filled with negative possibilities, what does your natural self tend to focus on more?