Hopeful but hestitant

We're quickly approaching the two month mark...two months since hubby lost his job. As we head into month 3, I'm hopeful but hesitant. I'm hopeful because we're not in financial dire straits, which means that hubby can continue his job search without the worry of us starving. I'm hopeful because the interview requests are slowly starting to come in. In fact, he has an interview with the local DNR office. If you happen to know my hubby, you know that he's salivating over this opportunity. Hubby hunts anything that moves...and even things that don't like morels. While the job would be technical in nature, it would give him exposure to people who share his love of outdoors. What better way to marry his passion with his work?? I'm also hopeful because we continue to rest in God's promise that He will provide. Even though we don't know exactly how He'll provide, we know that He will.

But I'm also hesitant...hesitant to get my hopes up. Honestly, I thought by this time hubby would be employed or at least on the fast track to employment. That isn't the case, so I'm left to wonder exactly how long is this going to take?? My anxiety is rooted in the fact that I have absolutely no control over this situation. And sometimes my anxiety is lived out as fear and/or anger. God has helped me keep this to a minimum in the last few weeks, but the longer this goes on, the harder it gets to keep it under control.

Add to that anxiety the fact that a few of his "promising" leads are now starting to fizzle, and it's a recipe for full-scale nuclear anxiety. Something I'm desperately trying to fight off this afternoon. I have not lost faith that God will provide, but I also know that He expects me to be wise...be wise in how I interact with hubby & the girls, be wise in how we spend our money & time, be wise in how I nurture or neglect my Christian journey during this time of uncertainty, etc. I think God also expects us to be wise about the reality of our circumstances.

In other words, when I say that I know God will provide, that doesn't give me right to sit back and expect The Big Guy to drop something into my lap. It means that I need to do what I can do and let Him take care of the rest...through faith in His promises. And in our situation,"doing what we can do" may mean sending me back into the workforce.

It's not what I want. It's not at all what I want. It breaks my heart to think of having to return to the dog-eat-dog world of work and leave my girls behind. But I also have marketable skills that may in turn feed and house our family. I don't think it's responsible of me to say, "No I absolutely will not go back to work." In order to return to the dog-eat-dog world though, I have to spend some time brushing up on the stuff I left behind a few years ago, which means taking even more time away from my family and other responsibilities. So do I start that now? Or do I wait until the situation becomes a little more dire? That will be my prayer request over the next week or so. I'll let you know what I/we decide! :)

Question: When a situation is a mixed bag of hopeful possibilities but your reality is filled with negative possibilities, what does your natural self tend to focus on more?