What's in a name...or a cactus for that matter?

In ancient times, a person's name had significant meaning. In some parts of the world, or with some families, the same could be said today, but for the most part, names have lost their meaning in our society. Someone shared this observation with me the other day, and it made me reflect on the meaning of my own name. Does my name reflect who I am in every day life? In recent days, no. But do I wish to live up my name? Absolutely.

My first name has Latin roots and was a title used for aristocrats and nobility. My middle name has English roots and means bright light or torch. Put them together, and you've got a noble light, right? That's one way of looking at it anyway. :) When I think of nobility, my mind isn't automatically drawn to the idea of someone who is lord over others but rather a benevolent, intelligent and gracious person of honorable wisdom and character; someone who possesses a quiet spirit and a grateful heart.

And because my anxiety level has been at an all time high lately, it's hard to be anything like that picture of nobility...even though it's what God calls me to be not just because of my name but because I am His child. So how do I get from Point A to Point B? The only way I can is through prayer when I boldly ask God to bless my heart and mind in a way that synchronizes the meaning of my name with who I really am. I want the two to match, but God is the only one who can make that happen in my lifetime. When I try to improve myself in my own power, I fail miserably time after time. Oh, I might do really well for awhile. But then something happens, and I revert to my old ways. To expect another person to be able to perfect me is likewise as foolish; the change would be only temporary. When God enters into my heart and works in my spirit, the change is forever, and I never want to return to my old self. I'm writing this to say that I also have to be reminded that I do not have the power to change anyone else...including hubby. He does things differently than I do. He thinks differently than I do. He reasons differently than I do. He's different from me! And to expect him to be like me is ludicrous even though I find myself trying to do just that. Since I haven't exactly been the picture of perfection lately, why in the world would I want him to walk the same path?

So I'm learning to let him go. Does he need to make changes in himself? Oh most definitely! :) But I cannot make that change for him nor can I lead him down the path of change. Only God can do that. THANKFULLY I married a man who loves God and wants to please Him. Hubby doesn't always know how to do that in a practical sense, but he at least wants it. That's a huge hurdle to overcome in some marriages, and if you are married to someone of a different faith, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Hubby may not be perfect, but he is God's mess. And the more I repeat that to myself, the more likely I am to back off and let God do His job. I think the hardest thing for me to comprehend is when hubby chooses to ignore God's leading. I know God can do anything and everything, but He will not force Himself on our free will. And if hubby chooses to exercise that will against God, then he will have to face his own consequences. But what happens when those consequences affect more than just hubby? That's the hard part. I haven't been able to come up with an answer other than it's my job to simply lean on and trust in God to take care of me despite what someone else does or does not do. In other words, my lack of noble character lately cannot be excused because someone else has done something wrong. I'm still expected to live in a noble...or Godly...manner.

This line of thought has plagued me over the past few weeks, and I'm learning more and more as I open my life to God and invite Him to change me through this family crisis. And what I find is that certain themes repeat in even the smallest ways...as if God is saying to me, do you get it yet?? Can we move on now??

Here's an example. In my area, rain has been scarce lately. Yet in the backyard, my tomato plants are still growing and still producing. That makes me think of a cactus. How in the world does a cactus or similar desert plant thrive even though resources are minimal?? The roots of desert plants run deep; they do not rely on surface moisture to survive. And when water is supplied, the plant stores that water. In some cases, the plant's leaves are covered with hairlike fuzzy stuff that prevents moisture loss. In other words, a dessert plant makes the most of what it's given, it saves for the future and it finds a way to hang onto what it has. Such an amazing and simple example that can be applied to the way we conduct our financial affairs.

When certain themes repeat, it seems to literally come out of "nowhere"; it's not something I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of...searching for parallels to my life. The really cool part is that, as a Christian, I know these thoughts don't really come out of nowhere. It comes to me from God himself. He is showing me His heart and the way that I should live (even through the example of a plant) if I want to live up to the meaning of my name...and eventually be a "bright light" to others and pass along the peace and knowledge that comes only from the Father Himself. Actions speak much louder than words, folks.

Question: What do your actions say about you? Not your words, not your thoughts, not your hopes & desires, but your actions?