The hostage crisis

About a month ago, we officially started potty training with Ray, and I've nicknamed it "the hostage crisis". That's what I feel like - a hostage! Ray has been having trouble with holding it for more than 45 minutes, so it's just easier to stay at home rather than to venture out. The first week went wonderfully. I was thrilled!! The second, third and fourth weeks, however, were brutal. I did my best to remain positive for her sake, but it got ugly sometimes...not abusive, mind you...just ugly. We wanted this more than she did, so it was a constant struggle that just wore me out. I was seriously ready to go back to diapers and was counseled by a few people to do just that.

But knowing my daughter, I knew that if we returned to diapers she would feel either discouraged or happy. I didn't want either feeling. So after discussing it w/hubby, we decided to stock up on training underwear and the plastic covers to make it easier on those days when she didn't feel like using the potty at all. At one point, I even told her that I was going to put her back in diapers. She said she didn't want diapers anymore, which frankly surprised me!

Then last Friday, we left her w/my in-laws overnight. I had a breakfast meeting the next day and planned to shop afterwards, so hubby had to pick up the girls. When I called to find out how they did, he said, "I have to tell you something that you don't want to hear." At first, I was frantic. What happened?! Then it hit me....she was dry the entire time she was with my in-laws. When I heard that, I was initially so angry. Then I realized what I had been reflecting on for the last few days. There's something about being at home that makes her not want to use the potty, and quite honestly, it's us.

As hard as we've tried, we haven't been very positive for her. A friend mentioned that she read a book that recommended not saying anything when the child has an accident, but then load up the praise when they do. You aren't to scold the child or say anything negative whatsoever. That may sound easy, but you have NO idea how difficult it is when you're changing her underwear for the fifteenth time in one day. After hearing about Ray's tremendous acheivement with my in-laws, I decided to really work that plan.

The very next day, Ray did beautifully! She even stayed dry for nearly 90 minutes while I attended church; I had forgotten to check on her during the service, so I was elated to see that she held it the entire time. When she urinated the rest of the day, it was in large quantities...which is something she's not done in awhile...and she had only two accidents back-to-back that evening. I could tell that both accidents were truly that - not just from her being lazy or stubborn.

And I'm happy to report that this week has been so much better! Ray has had lots of accidents this week, but I've approached each one with a "Oh well" attitude. In fact, she & I quote from one of her potty DVDs...accidents happen! That seems to have boosted her self-esteem and has helped her get to the potty more often. And the "accidents happen" song definitely removes the stress and frustration from my attitude. I know better than to get my hopes up and say that she's officially potty trained, but she is definitely taking steps in the right direction.

It's really true what I've heard...potty training isn't just about training the child, but it's also about training the parents. That training involves the parents learning that a child is in total control over themselves; the parents have no control at all. You can guide, motivate, discipline and teach your children, but we do not control them.