Finding me in the gunk

Being a stay-at-home mom of two (under 4) plus working part-time, I don't always have a lot of time for housework. Okay, okay. So I usually have more than I think, but I hate cleaning with a passion. I do it, but I hate it. What I don't usually have time for is deep cleaning, and lately this house needs a lot of deep cleaning, purging and re-organizing. Every day, I'm taunted by the "to do" list. It can be overwhelming.

Accomplishing anything on my "to do" list is nothing short of a miracle. There are no lack of distractions and interruptions in this house, which makes finishing a chore very difficult for me. I don't wish to be the kind of mom who puts off her children to have a spotless house. I think that only sends the message that the stuff is more important than them. Also turning my attention away from the girls and toward cleaning means that they usually end up watching too much T.V., which is not good. At the same time, I don't want to live in a pig sty either; I want a home that is sanitary and comfortable. I want a home that I'm not embarrassed of.

All that said, I'm proud of my single accomplishment today. (Read: I've started many things but finished only one thing...so far!) For too long, I've dreaded using the microwave. It was been neglected, to say the least. Every time I opened the door, my spirit was crushed just a little because of the ICK. I kept telling myself, "I really need to get this cleaned." But I never made the time to clean it. As a result, it taunts me.

I'm so proud to say that, as of today, the microwave is SPOTLESS!!!!! I took one look at it this morning and said, "Screw it. I'm cleaning this stupid thing right now!!" And so I did. Was it easy? No. Was it quick? No. Did I have fun? No. Did I get interrupted? Yes. Did it make me smile? No. Well when I was done, I smiled...big!

I started cleaning the surface ick that was easy to remove; already it looked a little better. Then I used my no-fail microwave cleaning solution (several times) to remove the first layer. Next, I used my muscles and a scrub sponge to remove the stains. Wow, this thing is white?! And believe it or not, I got out a few toothpicks and a bristled brush to remove gunk hiding in the corners & crevices. Then I turned my attention to the outside. Our microwave is right above the stove, so the exterior had a lot of really sticky grease gunk on it; bring on the muscle and scrub sponge! Rinse, rinse, rinse; dry, dry, dry. DONE!

I've walked past and used it several times since I cleaned it, and every time I smile. I felt encouraged. That one little task gave me a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment and energy to tackle other tasks. Every other day, I kept telling myself that when I have the time, I will deep clean the kitchen. Except that I never had the time. I kept telling myself, "Wow, I'd feel better if this thing was clean." But I put it off and waited. For what? Nothing in my schedule today was different than any other day. What's so different today? I made a commitment to get it done no matter how long it took. I made a commitment to get it done today and take one step toward a cleaner, healthier home. I didn't wait for anything to change...to magically find more time, as it were...I just got it done. Now, hang in with me while I change tracks a little.

Bible reading, prayer & quiet time with God is important to me, but I've discovered over the years that if God wants to teach me something, He will find me in every day moments. Yes, even when I'm cleaning the microwave of all things. And there He found me today.

So what was today's lesson? Why am I waiting for my circumstances to change (e.g. the right time) before I make life changes that need to be made? Hubby & I have often said that his job loss may be an answer to prayer and/or it may be God's way of spurring us to change things that need to be changed. We don't know for sure, and we may never. Nevertheless, if God wants to change me then I need to pay attention and just get it done!

So where do I start? I'm far from the person God wants me to be; so many changes, so little time. God points me to my microwave for the answer. I didn't get it clean in two minutes. Cleaning it involved a lot of hard work, getting back on track when interrupted, committing to get it done and taking that first step of cleaning the surface gunk. Remember how I said the microwave looked better after just that first part? Same thing could be said about taking small steps toward the person God wants me to be. That first step will be blessed by Him and will create something in me that is just a little bit better.

Nobody ever gets from Point A to Point Z in a flash; it takes time and small steps...especially when you feel overwhelmed. The first step toward Godly change that I need to make is to sweep away the surface gunk that's attached itself to my attitude....worry, sadness, fear, etc. Experiencing those emotions is normal, but nurturing them and dwelling on them is not what God wants for me. He knows that negative emotions take the focus off Him, put it on myself and deflate my spirit with every passing moment. What's my first step? Prayer, but I think I could also benefit from journaling...not long drawn out pity sessions on paper but rather just a list of my worries. Writing helps me get it out, think it through, change my thoughts and feel encouraged and at peace.

One lesson I think I learned from the microwave is that I cannot wait anymore for the "right time". If God wants to change me through this situation, then it is illogical of me to think that I'll change when the crisis goes away. Perhaps the change in me that He wants will happen only when my life is not perfect. Admit it. When things are going good, not all of us (including me) have God at the forefront of our minds. But when our lives turn ugly, He's there all the time, and we usually end up begging Him a lot to take the problem away. Think about it. Even Jesus did that!!

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42

My pastor told me once that Jesus knows exactly what I'm going through because he went through it all too! We've prayed a prayer similar to Jesus's many times since hubby lost his job. "Lord, please take this away from us!" I'll admit that praying the second part "your will be done" is much, much harder to do because it takes the control out of my hands and put it in His. Truth is; I only fool myself into believing that I have control over anything outside my own mind & body. God is in control of it all. He blesses and takes away...not just for my benefit but also to glorify Him because that's why we were all made in the first place.

Personally, I think God is using this crisis as an exercise in reliance upon Him...to trust that He alone will supply our needs. And who knows? Maybe He wants that one thing done and out of the way this time because it is absolutely essential for me to survive the next crisis? So I try to identify the small things and move in the direction of obedience...knowing that God will bless every single step I take.

And did you notice something? I'm doing the job before hubby finds a new job...before the crisis passes. I'm not waiting for "the right time". I'm not fooling myself into believing that I will be happier or will change once my life is a little more comfortable. What do I think God wants me to ultimately change about my attitude? The ability to be happy and full of joy despite my circumstances. That isn't true happiness; it's only the illusion of happiness. If I am happy and joyful only when things are going my way, that implies I'll be thrown into depression when another crisis hits. The roots of my faith must not be very deep if one crisis has the power over me to dictate my thoughts, my attitude and my behavior. That's something I have a desire to change, and I know God wants me to change it as well. He's never promised any of us a rose garden. Heck, He never promised that to his own Son!

Yup, no doubt about it. God wants me to git 'er done...despite what's going on around me. Is that a tall order? More than I could express with words. Will it be easy? Nope. Will it be fun? Maybe. Will it make me smile? Absolutely. What an inspired and encouraging train of thought, and all while I was cleaning gunk off the microwave. Go figure.

Question: Does your level of happiness depend upon the circumstances in your life? Are you happy only when things are going your way or are you able to still maintain that happiness when things aren't so rosy?