The really odd part is that Christmas is my favorite holiday, so why the dread? I've noticed a pattern over the past few years. Every December, I find myself getting worn down by the stress, fatigue and hassles. On Christmas Eve, I find myself regretting how I behaved over the last month. I don't want to repeat that this year. My girls are getting older, and I want Christmas to be special for them. How special can it be when mom is stressed to the hilt?
I think the problem is rooted in the anticipation of long lines, rude shoppers and blatant commercialism that degrades the holiday. Did you notice it? I said that I get stressed by the sheer anticipation of all the bad things. When I write that out, it sounds so dumb! Whenever I allow negative emotions/behavior to take over, that's all I can see around me. Thus, the Christmas "grinchees" are born!
The key principle here is that I am choosing to focus on those things and choosing to be in a bad mood. Truth is, it doesn't matter what goes on around me, I still choose my reaction. Whether I think that a store clerk will be rude or whether he/she is rude, that doesn't give me the right to be rude in kind. Whether I think other shoppers will be inconsiderate or whether they are inconsiderate, I don't have the right to be an inconsiderate shopper myself.
Christmas is supposed to be about hope, joy, charity, love, celebrating Jesus, etc. And I want my girls to eventually love Christmas as much as I do. I want it to be filled with all the magic, wonder and anticipation I felt as a little girl.
This year, I've committed myself to enjoying the next month and celebrating in ways that will make terrific memories for my girls. In order to do that, I have to throw off the Christmas "grinchees". And truth be told, this is something I need to practice on a daily basis anyway. Those "grinchees" tend to stick around long after Christmas, and as our family is faced with an uncertain future, it's so easy to get mired down in the negative. That's not what I want Christmas to be about; that's not what I want even this season of unemployment to be about.
I've been reflecting a lot lately on how to live "inside out". If someone were to observe me from a distance, would they see my joy and my hope? Would they see how God has granted my request of peace during a scary time? Or would they see sadness, worry and fear written all over my face? Last week, a friend observed (as she gave me a supportive hug) that I looked like I'd been through the wringer. Last week was a particularly difficult week for me, but I pressed forward anyway. I like to laugh and to make other people laugh, and I was trying to do that last week as a means of escaping what I really felt inside. But my friend's observation made it clear that I wasn't fooling anyone, and I had a hard time holding back the tears.
This week is a little better. My resolve has been strengthened, and each day I'm reaching for joy and hope. And as I look ahead, I'm committing myself to making this Christmas enjoyable not just for my family but for myself too. I've committed to celebrating all the greatness of this season for the entire month with the climax on Christmas Day.The real test will be whether I can make that change in attitude last all year long. I'm convinced that with God's help I can do anything, but it won't be easy...especially if hubby doesn't find a job soon. But it really doesn't matter whether the job comes next week or next month or several months down the road. What matters is my attitude. It doesn't matter if the girls misbehave or are challenging to deal with. What matters is my attitude. It doesn't matter if the house is a mess, and I'm behind on my tasks at work. What matters is my attitude. It doesn't matter if hubby didn't clean the kitchen or said something unkind. What matters is my attitude. What happens to me is not nearly as important as how I react to it.
As a mom of two little ones who demand a lot of time and energy, my attitude suffers because of fatigue or unfinished work or constant challenges. Choosing the right attitude despite my circumstances is H-A-R-D!! But for the sake of my sanity and the sanity of those I love, it's crucial...whether at Christmas or any other time of the year. I truly believe that I will leave a legacy when I am gone. Do I want that legacy to be one of all things negative? Or do I want that legacy to be all things positive? No, I'm not striving for perfection, but you've known people like that, haven't you? You've known someone deceased who was a big you-know-what, and you've known someone deceased who was a saint. I most definitely want my family & friends to celebrate when I'm gone because I'll be in a better place and because I had a positive impact in their lives...even if small. I certainly don't want them to be singing "Ding, dong! The witch is dead!"
And the reality is that the change in my attitude has to come now...not "when". The change in my attitude has to be more than surface deep, so that tough times that rattle my cage won't destroy my spirit. This concept is truthfully an up-hill battle for me as the battle between heart and mind always is. It's a step-by-step process, and it begins with a heart of gratitude....for my very life and for the many blessings which I enjoy.
This "season" of uncertainty will eventually end, and the question is whether or not I want to look back with deep regret or with deep satisfaction. Do I want to be encouraging and supportive to hubby or do I want to make him miserable? Do I want to love on my girls like never before or do I want to snip at them? Not many set out to intentionally hurt or stress loved ones, but it happens anyway...because we let our attitude and behavior run hot & cold based on what's happening in the moment.
This Christmas season, I can pretend to be filled with the love, joy and hope that it represents. Or I can be so filled with love, joy & hope (from the very depths up to the very top) that it spills over onto everyone I meet. I can be ticked off at that inconsiderate shopper and let it ruin my day...or, even better, tell the person off and ruin their day too...and in all likelihood make no impression on them whatsoever. Or I can focus on being the most considerate shopper, customer, friend, wife, mother, daughter, etc. And by doing so, who knows? Maybe those people will begin to experience the REAL meaning of Christmas...and of life in general. Instead of hoping that others will change to suit us, why not strive to be the kind of person we want others to be? I can't think of a better way to throw off the "grinchees" this Christmas or to impact our world for the better. Can you?
Question: Does your outward behavior and attitude reflect what you value and believe in your heart? Or do you let life's stresses (big and small) take over?
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