When am I going to just accept...

...that someone will always be cranky.
...that someone will always need to be cleaned up.
...that someone will always need to be fed.
...that someone will always need something.
...that something will always be dirty.
...that something will always be missing.
...that something will always need to be washed.
...that something will always be missing.
...that nothing will ever happen the way I want it to.
...that my to do list will never be finished.

In our small family of four, those previous statements are always true. So why do I have such a hard time just accepting that fact? At a recent mom's group meeting, we all took a personality test, and my score revealed that I am a "beaver", which means that I'm always busy, I'm a planner, I'm an organizer, and I need structure and organization to thrive.

We've learned in the last three years (since becoming parents) that our lives are not our own. That's a total understatment, for sure. But living that reality is making me stressed out. I guess it's a good thing that I know I'm the one who stresses me out; my reaction to my environment is the only thing that's truly within my control. But the fact that I constantly spin my wheels but never get anywhere is really taking a toll on me.

Hubby & I started saying no to a lot of things after Jordi was born, but that hasn't helped. Our lives are so full of every day junk that we rarely have time for ourselves or any meaningful project that desperately needs to get done. As a "beaver" the lack of organization and schedule is making me nuts. I'm hoping this year will be a little better as the girls are a little older and learn how to do more for themselves.

Right now for me, the trick is accepting life as it is, doing what I can and just learning to find joy in unexpected places. Another trick is in not wishing away these early years with my daughters in an effort to make my life easier.